Introduction
Vivek Agnihotri's perspective
on dissent struck a chord. Equally
striking was his subsequent narrative labeling Barkha Dutt & her ilk as 'Intellectual
Mafia cum 'Establishment'.
'My dissent is better than
your dissent' reminded me of a recent incident. My perspectives on 'demonetization' received
offensive rejoinders from Saleem (name changed), a young man of 20, disregarding
our years of relationship:
"…..I see a strong support of this fascist by you, something I
am unable to digest…..what is this crap….".
To say it was not unnerving would
be a lie. While mulling over, it
refreshed memories of how loathsome is this pervasive practice of Labeling that
leaves lifelong emotional scars. Almost all are affected by it, irrespective of
Caste, Creed or Status, yet maintain deafening silence, conditioned by societal
indifference!
In hindsight, I need to
thank Saleem for priming me to tell stories untold. Welcome to the world of well-masked-survivors
of Mental Abuse ('Labeling');
it is no less murky than Sexual Abuse, perhaps more intense! Samples of bottled-up emotions:
My
Struggle
I still remember the label 'Donkey', put on me in Standard 2
by the Class Teacher and snide remarks of Dad that evening explaining its
meaning—'it means गधा गधा; has someone called you 'that' in school
today? Though it took decades to reconcile, the memory is still fresh'!
Mrs
Indira Gandhi India's Former PM aka Iron Lady
Excerpt regarding impact of
childhood labeling shared at the age of 46:—
"…….Indira
was mortified at her poor performance at Jaipur. With hurt and bitterness, she
told her friend Pupul Jayakar how her aunt, Vijay Lakshmi Pandit , had
undermined her self-confidence in childhood
by calling her ugly and stupid. This shattered something within me,
……faced with hostility, however well prepared I am, I get tongue-tied and
withdraw." Page 295 Indira, The Life of Indira Nehru Gandhi by Katherine Frank.
18
Jan 2017. In the words of twin brothers, age 14
'It was extremely hurtful, when a
teacher insulted us in the class without any provocation— "तुम दोनों ज़िंदगी मेँ कुछ नहीं बन पयोगे"। Fuming with anger, felt like hitting him. Such instances de-motivate us
from going to school'
What
is Labelling?
Simply put, labeling is disparaging/disrespectful
expressions, verbal or non-verbal, to put down someone. It tantamount to insensitively
attach 'Label(s) of Stigma'! Such demeaning
experiences invariably lower Self-Esteem/Self-Worth and could shatter self-confidence
for life.
'During several surveys, students
of class 8 thru 12 admitted that more than 80 percent of them lack Self-Discipline,
Self-Confidence and Decision-Making Ability'. Major reason may be the morbid culture of
Bullying-Teasing-Labeling!
I often marvel at the
ingenuity in coining 'Labels'—
टकला (bald-headed), टुकरा (errand boy in brothel), छक्का (eunuch), clapping with straightened fingers spread
indicating eunuch, चुड़ा
(low caste), घन-चक्कर (mad
fellow),गोबर गणेश (idiot) and so on.
Profanities are worst form
of labeling that starts as early as nursery. To recap more 'Labels':
पागल (MAD), बुद्धू
(DUFFER/DUMB), SLUT, SISSY, GIRLISH, STUPID/बेवकूफ, SNEAK, LESBIAN, GAY, HONEY, भडुया (TOUT TRADING PROSTITUTES), UGLY, DARK COMPLEXIONED—BLACK/
NIGGER/काली कलूटी, BUCK TEETH-ALIEN, FAT-FATTY/BARREL, बहनजी (BACKWARD GIRL), NERD, हरामी
(BASTARD), सूयर (PIG), नौकरानी,
कामवाली,
बिहारी,……..
Unaware
of the damaging implications, parents and teachers use 'Labels' indiscriminately—
पागल, बुद्धू, Duffer, Stupid, बेवकूफ, Comparison of Siblings or with other
Children and so on. If the label 'donkey' could upset me, effect on
others would be no less intense .
Modus Operandi
Teasing, Name Calling, Name Twisting, Criticism, Gender Bias, Sarcasm, Bullying, Shaming, Lampooning, Graffiti....
Incidents of Mindless Behavior
Several
episodes ended up in violence, grievous injury; nervous breakdown; suicide. To
recall one horrific episode that rattled the Nation: 23 Aug 2003 IIT Delhi, Nervous breakdown of a rank holder and expulsion
of four students (abusers).
Consequence—All were mega losers
including the Illustrious Institution
Is
Labeling An Issue?
Until 60 it was not, despite
my childhood experience. Name-twisting sarcasm was a perpetual irritant, yet I kept
compromising! Why? Confession:
· Craving
for attention/popularity
· Low
self esteem,
· Fear
of altercation/losing friends, if objected.
· No Purpose of Life
Note: When
challenged, most convenient excuse offered by the abusers—'take it easy buddy; did
not mean it; just joking' and so on. This made me feel even worse. Admittedly, I
was smarting within submerged in Sad Feelings Cycle
Paradigm
Shift—Post 60
Magical transformation
started in 2000 at Doon Youth Centre (DYC)—a Unique place imbued with 'feel-good
vibes'. 'The only one of its kind' is how the fraternity members still remember
DYC!! Non-judgmental & friendly environment allowed all to unmask and be
real on entering its portal. In that conducive environment, free and frank
interaction allowed understanding of real life challenges on substantive issues
to include taboo topics like Labeling. To Illustrate the level of comfort:
Once 'Sexual Urge'
(SA) was the topic for Saturday Group Discussion —a popular event attended by
both Boys & Girls in large number. One question included was 'Is
masturbation an expression of SA?' As a moderator, I needed to be sure of the
comfort level of all women participants. On preceding Friday, two
young ladies walked in, one was a first timer. 'We are OK talking about anything at DYC' was their
spontaneous
response to my question!!
In fact, ambience at DYC was
too irresistible to resist sharing accumulated feelings gnawing for years:
Here
is what 70 year old Ravi (name changed) shared one evening—'Well Sushant, I
want to talk about something very personal. Since childhood I have been a
target of ridicule for frail appearance. Suffered criticism both at home and
School/College. Plastered with all kinds of labels, my self-confidence was
shattered during the formative years itself. Grew up with different complexes
and inhibitions that messed up my thinking and decision-making ability.
My wife and children seldom consult me on
family matters even now. This makes me feel disrespected and humiliated. I feel
so helpless and depressed!!'
Confessed that
he felt better after talking.
Life
Skills Classes in Schools. Interactive teaching format
allowed students, Class 6 thru 12, to share their enormous struggles due to 'Teasing/Bullying
cum Labeling'. As doors kept opening, I wondered how the students could
maintain emotional stability to withstand pressures of competition (marks) and good
behavior!! Reproduced are few unnerving narratives:
Example
1
Tinku
(name changed) , Class 6, Age 11/12
Tinku (Fuming) 'Rajiv and his rowdy
friends make fun twisting my name. I hate them. Class teacher's warning, after
I reported, only worsened matters'
Facilitator 'How do you wish to deal with the
situation?'
Tinku (pulled out
a sharp razor blade) 'I
want to murder Rajiv by slashing his throat with this'
Example
2
USHA
(name changed), age 13
Effect
of the Label—तुम से हमें कोई ऊमीद नहीं है—on
Usha was so intense that she was determined to commit suicide. To read her
story, please see Episode 1
Priyanka
(name changed), Class 11
She was popular for her
academic profile since junior classes. Though
dark-complexioned, she was strikingly attractive with a disarming smile. Amiable
and helpful nature won hearts of many to befriend her.
One day in the Class, she burst out crying for seemingly no
reason. I escorted her out to regain composure. Reason
for the outburst shared—she was shabbily treated by the class teacher that
morning for no fault of hers. Session
high-lights:
Sushant Other than the incident today, would
you like to share anything else bothering you most of the time?
Priyanka Yes; I am not beautiful because; मैं काली हूँ (I am dark-complexioned).
It has been troubling me since junior class, as my peers frequently jeered by
labeling me—काली कलूटी बेंगन लूटी (black like brinjal)
Sushant affirmed her attractive features and charming presence. Reassurance
helped her to bounce back, smiling ear to ear
Sushant Do
you think component of beauty is complexion or beautiful mind?
Priyanka Beautiful mind of course
(Responded with confidence and pranced back to the Classroom)
Example
4
My
Struggle Until Age 60: Name Twisting
My surname
Bhattacharyya was shortened to Bhatta. Though I was not comfortable, everyone be
it friends, school mates and colleagues at work place called me Bhatta until I joined
DYC at 60. There I was almost rechristened with my first name, Sushant. Retrospectively,
it was a welcome change for sure.
To elaborate,
word भटटI in Hindi means 'any type of loss'. भटटI बैठ गया or भटटI बीठा दिया were expressions
frequently used by 'friends' jokingly, they said! I found the comments unnerving,
yet suffered in silence for the reasons stated earlier.
Evidently,
I was not empowered even at 60 to be assertive. Perhaps, the story is no
different with most of us.
Example
5
Indira
Nooyi, CEO Pepsico on Labels Honey, Sweetie, Babe
Excerpts of her strong objection in Aug 2016—"…..she
hates being called Sweetie or Honey or Babe and women should be respected as
individuals and not addressed by such names…..."
Conclusion
Questions
1.
How a Divine symbol of purity at birth transforms into
an Abusive Devil?
2.
Psyche of
abusers and abused?
3.
Is it country-specific or a Universal
phenomenon?
4.
Who gains and who loses?
5.
What is the solution?
To Be contd.......
