MUSINGS SER 3 CHRONICLE HUMOUR

Introduction

Much as I adore English humour, I need assistance in following dialogues in movies. Rolling American accent still confuses me.  The charm is lost with frequent hiccups in the flow of laughter asking clarifications.  The accompanying guilt of disturbing someone is bothersome. 

However, uninterrupted amusement is on full flow even now viewing rib-tickling action movies like Laurel & Hardy, Three Stooges, Jerry Lewis in Nutty Professor and western movies of Clint Eastwood.  

During teenage years someone narrated a Sardarji joke. I could relate with it very well: ‘Sardar laughs at a joke thrice; first time he joins everyone; second time when he understands it and third time at himself’.  

Quality wit and humour comes naturally to very few. Blessed are those endowed with the skills to draw full-throated laughter without spicing the content with profanities—prevailing trend getting grosser by the day.  Until well into my 50s I almost excelled in narrating bawdy jokes.  Insecurities within and craving for attention motivated me to keep my joke-bank updated with raw contents, coarser the better.  

Few days back surprise visit of my class mate after decades revived delightful childhood memories.  He pointedly recalled my popularity and proficiency in spiking convulsive guffaws. Retrospectively, a sad reminder of my messed-up phase of life.  

However, I still relive very special moments of subtle humour. This is the second chronicle  on humour—undiluted tonic of life. 

Snippets

Sikkim 1967-70

Mid 1967  Sikkim hit news headlines. Tranquility was disturbed with exchange of heavy artillery fire across the Chinese border. Just then my posting orders arrived. Farewell from Ranchi was touching sensing concern of well-wishers for a prospective martyr! With trepidation I was curious to witness action—life time dream of a young soldier.  

 

Perhaps, I am a Jonah when it comes to war experience. The day I landed at Siliguri, rail head, ceasefire was declared. Dealing with aftereffects of that brief action sensitized me to the futility and painful  suffering.  

On induction and during acclimatization veterans cautioned us to respect mountains. Thereby suggesting abiding by the prescribed norms and to avoid heroic adventurism.  We witnessed the consequence of adventurism by a Brigadier.  Ignoring standard procedures his maiden trip to a high altitude location nearly cost him his life. 

Three years of tenure were eventful with unforgettable memories—breathtaking sunrise peeping over  inaccessible peaks; snowflakes silently piling-up 5 to 6 feet of snow; effect of frozen water on vehicle wind screen gave the impression of shattered glass. In fact it was a paid-for lifetime experience.   

We were a small but fun-loving team of officers of different age group headed by an accomplished and inspiring Commander. Next in the hierarchy was Major Chandrasinghji (Chandra) high calibre professional with creative  flair for pranks.

Lieutenant  Murthy’s Marriage.  

A naïve young Murthy from Army Education Branch was endearing member of our team. He was repository of knowledge in his own inimitable style and incredible genuineness. One evening during dinner he excitedly announced plans to proceed home for marriage.  Immediate and serious retort from Chandra—‘Baby, have you taken permission of the Commander?’ Surprised and crest-fallen, Murthy, unsure of the permission, nervously stuttered—‘Sir my application will be on table before you reach office tomorrow morning’. Watching the proceedings was much too  amusing for the rest of us to stop laughing. Am not sure whether Murthy slept that night! 

Next morning Chandra was ready with another shocker. He promptly returned the application enfaced with the terse comments—‘Where is the Medical Certificate?’   To preempt Murthy lapsing into coma the prank was disclosed with fanfare and merriment. 

Good news—Murthy married as scheduled and living happily thereafter, hopefully!  Wish we meet sometime to revive those lovely days! 

Gangtok Sikkim Mid 1969

One bright sunny morning, Chandra walked in with a  fancy pipe tucked between teeth and humming semblance of a discordant tune. Spritely  movement revealed good mood—something unusual for someone feared for his unpredictable temperament.  Though exceptionally humane, he was equally intolerant towards incompetence. 

Peeped in to say ‘Sweetheart good morning’ to me before going to his office.  Soon I heard him ask telephone operator to connect one Commanding Officer located 17 miles away uphill. Traveling time in good weather and road condition  was minimum two hours. Few minutes later he reminded the operator. I was a bit surprised at his unusual patience that day. 

Just then I heard him admonishing the operator for delay. Yet the call did not mature as another operator in the chain of communication did not heed to the urgency. By then Chandra’s anger fuse was smoldering. Developments thereafter were amusing and hilariously telling: 

Chandra: ‘17 mile operator ko lagao’ (connect me to 17 mile operator)

Operator 17 Mile (OP): ‘Yes Sir”

Chandra: With sharp tone—‘Aapke CO sahib ko milain’. (Connect me to your CO).  

OP: ‘He is not available sir’. Operator decided to be awkward

Chandra: ‘Aapke Second in Command ko milao.’  

OP replied arrogantly: ‘He is also not available Sir’. 

Chandra by now was fuming: Aap kisi ko bhi lagao jo aapko kaid kar sakta ho’. (connect anyone who can arrest you). 

Operator promptly disconnected the line underestimating the grit of Chandra. Hearing the last comment I was in convulsions. Soontherafter, Chandra left for 17 mile location to ensure arrest of  the insubordinate operator.  Mission accomplished he returned late evening after enjoying hospitality of the CO with beer and sumptuous lunch. He was humming that unmusical note!! 

Chandra and I maintained contact for over a decade.  He retired as Major General, a well deserved promotion.    

Long Defense Management Course (LDMC), Secunderabad

LDMC is a sought-after course attended by selected officers with bright career profile. Colonel Beecha, reputed for repartee and uncanny talent for rote learning,  attended the prestigious course in 1970s. 

Rote Learning Ability. Sometime in 1960s  his rote learning was put to test under unfortunate circumstances. Verbatim narrative  while answering questions during examination was scrutinized by faculty members. Noting that colons and semicolons were same, his explanation was sought by the Chief Instructor (CI). Offended he requested  for pencil and paper. Sitting right there, he asked which question to answer. Taken a back yet certain of catching the bluff, CI mentioned one.  Spontaneously, Beecha started writing. Peeping over, all present were shocked with his photographic memory. Thus his honour was vindicated with recognition and applause.

LDMC students were addressed regularly by visiting faculty of international standing. Each one  was a specialist with hands-on experiences. On one occasion the speaker was senior bureaucrat of integrity with field experience in execution of high value projects. Sharing challenges faced he said—‘degeneration in unethical practices is alarming. On occasions these fearless mafias had the audacity to offer me bribes. I was shocked when they brazenly offered me 5 percent commission’. Immediately Beecha raised his finger. He stood up to make a witty point—‘Sir in your place I would have fainted as the going rate is 10 percent’. Resounding laughter almost brought down the roof. 

Pune Club Episode Early 1990s.  Becha’s expertise as bridge player was well known. Though Colonel (retired), he was almost cynical about seniority protocol.  Once a serving Major General, junior in service, was his bridge partner. Both were strangers.  Impressed with Beecha’s adroitness in winning an almost impossible  contract the General  rejoiced saying: ‘excellent play partner. Tell me how do I call you?’ Poker-faced prompt retort: ‘You may call me Sir’.  Typical sample of his repartee. 

      

Controversial Beecha has been ardent admirer of PG Woodhouse, renowned satirist. Our friendship proliferated respecting mutual space.  Unfortunately, my friend is not well! I miss his banters for all occasions. Witnessing sufferings, one feels so helpless! 

Epilogue

            Sad to note the spiraling slide in quality of entertainment ventures be it live, visual or movies.  Since such commercial programs attended by celebrities are TRP centric, does the abysmal slide reflect degenerative public mind?