HEALTHY SEXUALITY PART VI PERCEPTIONS AND FACT

Welcome Revelation

 ‘What we do not know we do not know’ is how a perceptive student of class 11 from low-profile school mellowed down the decibel level of interaction during a workshop.   His intervention made us realize that invalidated perceptions are like wearing tinted glasses.

   

Situational Learning

An elderly couple seeking peaceful twilight years, shifted to middle-income group apartments in a quiet suburban town.  Alcove next to the window was old man’s favorite place to spend quality time reading—irresistible passion His vivacious wife was a noticeable contrast to his reclusive life style.  

Woman Young or Old or Both

Peering through the window he was perturbed to notice dirty linen hanging for drying.  He could not avoid noticing as neighbor’s balcony was bang opposite. His wife glossed over his snide remarks with smile.  His insistence for response one day embarrassed him no end when she walked up and mopped the windowpane clean of stains! 

"We see the world not as it is, but as we are—or, as we are conditioned to see it. When we open our mouth to describe what we see, we in effect describe ourselves, our perceptions, our paradigms”.      Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey.   

Conditioning

        On 31 October 1992, Pope John Paul II expressed regret for how the Galileo affair was handled. See   Finally, in 1992, the Vatican formally and publicly cleared Galileo of any wrongdoing. Article titled  ‘400 Yrs Late: Vatican Honours Galileo’ published in TOI dated 17 April 2011

To reiterate essentials, no child is born wicked or devoid of principles. Gift of God arrives in perfect packing! 

All ills are acquired not innate moderated by values, belief system, life style of kith and kin and societal influence. In other words, each one grows up learning from environment to include parents, family members, society, school and media.  Popular ad Fair and Lovely/Handsome—neither makes  one Fair nor Lovelier or Handsomer. Yet sales graph keep rising!  

Resultantly, facts are invariably clouded and doggedly cemented with age.  This conditioned learning is never challenged to develop logical understanding.

Frog Story.  Immerse  a big-size-juicy-frog in deep-bottomed Pan filled with water.   From slush to  fresh water  would be irresistible for it to splurge. Place the pan on oven and ignite it.  To the question at what temperature would the frog jump out,  inter-alia the responses have been—‘when the heat is unbearable’.  Fact is frog does not jump out;  keeps adjusting until it is cooked and dies. Ironically, our behavior is no different than that of the frog. We excel in adjusting. Very few  step out of the ‘Pan of Conditioning’—corruption is OK, infanticide is also OK, means do not matter, Just Do It  and so on!  Consequences—Creation of a sick society devoid of Compassion & Empathy.

 

Few Examples of Perceptions and Facts

Perception I am a product of my genes, environment or advice of others’ including parents. Fact  I am a product of my choices.  Explanation.   It is true that DNA have bearing on one’s physical features but with no effect on thinking. Once discussion with a friend of my age disturbed his comfort zone. Sensing unpleasantness, I agreed to disagree without malice.  Stepping out of years of conditioning is difficult yet possible if shedding ego,  one chooses the enriching option to learn.

Perception.  Happiness depends upon situations Fact. Happiness depends upon one’s response to situations.  Explanation.  1) During  discussion with students of class11,   all except  one  girl endorsed the stated perception.  Her understanding of the importance of ‘response to situations’,  challenged others to rethink.  2) One envious colleague of Abraham Lincoln made malicious comment in full house stating—‘Mr President  your father stitched shoes for my Grand Father’. Unperturbed, his response was—‘Hon’ble member may please be informed, my father was a professional with enviable reputation. I am  as good. Should you still have any defective shoes, please send them over for repair to me’.  Roaring laughter of ridicule turned into silence of reverence.   

Perceptions—Others like Friends/Mom know me best Fact—No one knows me better than myself.  Others know what I share with them.  Discovery of it makes one feel gleefully empowered.  Explanation.   Class 7 girl studying in single-gender school when asked, between Mom & Dad who knew her better—‘Mom; she knows me 90 percent.’ When prodded to share content of 10 percent coyly  confessed—‘In school we talk about boys’. QED

Perception. Parents and elders are the best protectors of daughters and advisers of children during formative years Fact. Each empowered individual including children is his/her best protector/adviser.  Explanation. Prevalence of sexual abuse (well over 90 percent are victims),  disproves the perception.  One late evening, a student of class 8 came to our Centre stone drunk. He, thereafter, resolved never to repeat.  At 18 this empowered  lad declined tempting offer by peers to attend  wild party with promiscuous girls to boot. 

Perception. I can Control or Change my children Fact. I cannot Control or Change anyone or anything other than myself.  In other words, each one has his or her Circle of Control (CC) with ability to respond only.  Explanation.  During program with School House Mothers,  one young lady spontaneously agreed with the concept of CC—‘I was almost certain of changing my husband to give up smoking after marriage. I failed.  In fact  confrontations only worsened matters’.  

Perception  Most important things in life are Money Power Status     Fact  Other than God and primary needs, two most crucial things in life are Health & Relationship.  Explanation.  1) On few occasions, youth left unconvinced only to return within days conceding to the fact. Major health issue of self or someone close was the reason for paradigm shift.  2)  This was shared during discussion with Class 12 students  of a premier residential school.  Recognizing its impact on life, they confessed remorsefully---‘No one talks to us like this to help decide choice  of career’.  

  

Perception and Fact—Masala Influences Thinking

Truism—perception may be many but fact is one. To find out facts we need to ask relevant questions; listen to others perspective non-judgmentally; and research from credible sources.

To illustrate, once while offering wrap-up comments after discussion on Euthanasia, one girl said—“earlier my understanding was different. Now I need to rethink”. Relevance of perspective was highlighted by one 16 year old during a discussion.   On interjection from a peer, his assertive response was—‘listen don’t give me perspective, let me work it out’. Healthy interaction in an enabling environment allow each one to validate perception/perspective.

Open/free mind is unique blessing of the Creator. For objective  application of mind as designed, one needs to consciously guard against intellectual suicide. 

Riding on the prompts of Infallible Conscience would invariably keep us  on track—Path of Righteousness.  

Learning from Historical Anomaly 

Dichotomies.  Socrates had to drink hemlock. He was declared a heretic  for questioning societal delusions.  ‘Whether Sun or Earth was in centre of the Solar System’ remained unknown for centuries due to intellectual suicide and conformism.  

Heretics to Hero 

  

Without intending to be judgmental or critical,  we need to learn the dangers of invalidated perceptions from this fact of history. 

One renowned astro-physicist Ptolemy (90 –168 AD) postulated   geocentric model (Earth  is at the orbital center of all celestial bodies).  In 1543 another eminent astronomer, Copernicus put forward heliocentric model (earth and planets revolve around a relatively stationary Sun).  Question arose as to the fact. 

At that time, only Church could interpret the Bible, or  define God's intentions.  Fearing societal backlash research of Copernicus was not published.   In 1600, a man named Giordano Bruno was convicted of being a heretic for believing inter-alia that the earth moved around the Sun. Bruno was burnt to death. 

In 1616 Galileo agreed with what  Copernicus had discovered.  His book  ‘Dialogue’ was banned by the Church and he was tried for being a heretic.  Threatened with torture, he publicly confessed that he had been wrong to have said that the Earth moves around the Sun. Both Copernicus and Galileo died without recognition. Ban on Dialogue was lifted by the Church in 1822 with certain reservations.  

Finally, in 1992, the Vatican formally and publicly cleared Galileo of any wrongdoing. Article titled  ‘400 Yrs Late: Vatican Honours Galileo’ published in TOI dated 17 April 2011

Lesson.  Endowed with Free-Will and power of Choice, we are potentially designed to step out of the man-made festering Crucible of  Life.  Choice is ours and ours alone with the attended  short and long term consequences.