LIFE SKILLS SERIAL 1 HAPPINESS PART I

Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder

        

                                                   Thoreau 1817-1872 American Thinker

Introduction

This much-talked-about nine letter word is in everyone’s wish-list. Mention of the buzzword raises hope imbued with good feelings.  While everybody wants to be happy, its meaning remains nebulous to most of us. Search for clear understanding thru print and visual media   raises more questions than answers! Wisdom of theists seem too idealistic or esoteric to comprehend! 

Persistent irksome Question—How to Attain & Maintain the Elusive State of Happiness Through Doable Means?

Asymmetric Life Style.  Though aspiration is happiness, life style is that of pleasure seekers.  Popular jargon—Study or work hard and party harder without limits  is perfect recipe for unhappiness.   Listening to profanities in forums like AIB, Honey Singh and 50 Shades of Grey is   pastime of pleasure seekers!  

Happiness Quotient: Ground Realities

Study by IIT Mumbai over seven years revealed 50 percent Indians are unhappy.

42 percent of young Indians (age group 20 to 39) hit hard by depression & anxiety disorder. 

                  Dr  Richard Kadison, Faculty Harvard University. Findings based on National Survey on mental Health—45 %  Students Depressed unable to function & 80% Overwhelmed 

          Official Statistics. Banters like ‘semantics of lies and damn lies’ have often subtly questioned the veracity of such stats.  As for stats on Happiness Quotient, I have strong reservation on official figures as informal feedbacks in an enabling environment are more credible being less intimidating to responders.    

  

Informal Feedback 

I have been interacting with people belonging to different age groups, social/financial status, gender, work place environment, countries and so on. Credible figure globally, howsoever inconvenient/shocking, is as high as 80 to 85 percent enduring unhappiness.  

   More than 90 percent teenagers/adults  are affected by Boy-Girl Friend relationship. This has been repeatedly revealed thru surveys and interactions  with students of at least 30 different schools  over 15 years. 

More than 90 percent are victims of sexual abuse, eve teasing, domestic violence, marital disharmony, promiscuous life, substance abuse and so on. 

Thought-Provoking Perspective

Volumes have been said and written on ‘Happiness’ by erudite thinkers. Attention grabbing homilies seldom transcend inertia into action.  Pearls of wisdom and cryptic quotes/captions are, admittedly, inspiring and heart-warming. Yet, dissatisfaction is unnerving assimilating precise answer to the ‘How’ Question’—How to Attain & Maintain the Elusive State of Happiness Through Doable Means?  

Few Perceptive Quotes

‘Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony’.  Mahatma Gandhi; Potter Stewart US Supreme Court Justice—‘Happiness is like obscenity. We can’t define it, but we know it when we see it’. Dalai Lama—‘I believe compassion to be one of the few things we can practice that will bring immediate and long-term happiness…’; Aristotle—‘Happiness depends upon ourselves’.  Swami Vivekananda—  ‘Happiness keeps You Sweet; but being sweet brings happiness…..’  Epictetus, 55-135 AD, Greek Philosopher—‘It’s not what  happens to you, but how you react to it that matters’.  Dale Carnegie 1888-1955, American thinker—‘Happiness doesn’t depend on any external conditions; it is governed by our mental attitude’.

One meaningful thought I read many years back—‘Fortunate are those who have problems in life, because those without problems are in the grave’.  This invariably helped me bounce back whenever the chips were down.  

  

Essence. Reading between the lines, central message clearly emphasizes the relevance of choice while responding to situations. More on this later!  

Reckless Exploitation

Innate craving for happiness disables logical thinking. Intelligence high-jacked by emotions renders one vulnerable to exploitation physically, emotionally and financially.  Opportunists make hay while the sun shines by means fair or foul. Pretexts are many but purpose is the trendy trilogy of three words—Money Power Status! Suddenly, the Dream-world  collapses with nightmares of sensual exploits and killings!  

As if under magical spell,  rich and poor alike succumb to such ill-conceived ventures.  Many horrific episodes are in public domain already.  Yet herd mentality continues. No one seems willing to use that unique gift of the Creator—‘MIND’! 

    

Grass Root Learning

Overview.   I have ventured to write on this widely researched topic with trepidation yet confidence relying on my  hands-on-experience of more than 15 years at Doon Youth Centre (DYC).  Enabling environment and exceptionally accomplished teachers (teenagers) allowed comprehensive understanding on the How Question! In doing so I also studied Habit 1 (Proactivity),  Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey.  

   

During life skills classes in schools, happiness has been a popular topic of discussion. Two points of view shared frequently—‘it’s a state of mind and happiness is a journey not destination’.  How Question still remained unanswered.

Life Skills: Class Room Experience

On a sultry afternoon, students of Class 11 were too unsettled to be receptive. Large strength of students worsened matters. As facilitators focus remains on empowerment thru self discipline because naming and shaming  or shouting is counterproductive.  Sensing their mood due to unhappiness, I asked—how many of you wish to be happy in life?  Quieting down,  promptly all hands went up.  Students seemed interested to know more.

Next question—Does happiness depend upon situations or something else?   Barring one girl, most of them said ‘situations’.  Confidently, she said —‘Situations do not control my mood. It depends on how I  deal with it’.  Despite disagreements, they were challenged to  ponder over her well thought-thru response.  Complimenting the girl, students were encouraged to benefit from mutual learning instead of putting-down each other.  To my suggestion, students were keen on listening to the story of Abraham Lincoln. 

Power of Response

Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)

On 1^st day in Senate as he entered for the inaugural address, one egoistic rich aristocrat interjected—‘Mr Lincoln, you should not forget that your father made shoes for my family’. The whole senate burst into laughter endorsing the ridicule.  

Unperturbed Lincoln replied—‘Sir I know he made shoes for your family and many others, because he was the best in his job. He poured his whole soul into it and nobody ever complained   Should you have shoes needing repair, please send them over because I am as competent a shoe maker.  I am proud of my father because he was a genius professional’. Pin-drop silence descended as ashamed senators were dumb-founded.   

Lincoln was known for out-of the box thinking and powerful choices. Letter to the  teacher, when his son joined school, continues to be of eternal value.   

Experience of A Burly Banker

How should someone, accompanied by newlywed wife, deal with a hoodlum who shouts filthy abuses in public on flimsy ground?   

I love talking to people as it is a wonderful learning experience. One day discussion with my banker friend veered around to  life skills. Flash back thrilled him to narrate the episode. To recap briefly, ‘while driving slowly thru the crowded market area in Meerut, my scooter handle barely touched a guy. He started hurling choicest abuses nonstop,  though he was no match to take me on.’ When feelings surge, logic is hijacked.

‘I was fuming but kept moving with my wife on pillion. Little distance away I stopped to teach the hoodlum a lesson. Sensing my anger, wife dissuaded me. Brimming with fury I decided to confront him with a tight slap. Walking back all kinds of thoughts were swirling within.  Facing him something came over me to say sorry with folded hands. He immediately fell on my feet pleading mercy for his unpardonable folly. That memory is etched in memory as a constant reminder to respond NOT react to situations’. It reassured me as to the power of WIN-WIN response, prerequisite for happiness.

Real Life Poser

Within few months of marriage, wife was bed-ridden with serious ailment needing long term treatment and care. Anti Mother-in-Law planned to  eliminate her. Denying breakfast when son left home for work was a convenient option. Under-fed and confused she was unable to think of any solution without causing rift and unpleasantness. Evidently her Happiness Quotient had nose-dived.  She approached me for solution thru email.  

      

           Readers may like to suggest workable solution!   

                To Be Contd……….