youth

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Thursday, 16 April 2015

HEALTHY SEXUALITY PART V MENTAL HEALTH





Preface 

Why discuss mental health?  Is it an issue in a culturally sanitized country like Bharat untouched by urban rape episodes; to recall the brazen gaffe of RSS Chief and Asa Ram howler after Nirbhaya episode?  

Ominous Indicators 

8 April 2015: Study by Industry Association.  India's young working professionals (age group 20 to 39) hit hard by depression, anxiety disorder. Alarming number affected: 42 percent    
Deepika Padukone Depression Syndrome.  Wide spread publicity by a diva has stirred public imagination pan India to talk about it.  ‘Most depressed country in the world is India at 36 percent with highest suicides rate of over a lakh annually’; source WHO.  These are official figures raising the proverbial question:  Is it tip of the iceberg?

                                                                            
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       
                                                                       


Psychoanalysis of the Three Videos.  


Video on Deepika’s choices may have mass appeal, but ignores the time-tested truism—every choice has short and long term consequences. She disapproved choice of Ranbir-Katrina in bikini to binge on beech! Why? Would Deepika spend marital life with a promiscuous hubby or as a prospective Mom be OK with her progenies making self destructive choices? She may like to make the self-awareness choice to rethink!

Logically, ‘Choices’ are expression of one’s thought process and feelings (negative or positive).  Question is whether her two choices 1) to lend voice and 2) to attend the controversial AIB Show portray positive or negative feelings.  Consequences of both continue to draw unsparing flaks. 

Striking feature of the video on depression; it omitted to address root cause (s). I think it was the expected outcome of her bottled-up loads of negative feelings since may be childhood. As her well wisher, I need to place on record my concern--until root cause is addressed, Deepika is likely to remain vulnerable. 
  
Aviation World.  6 April 2015 Air India flight Jaipur – Delhi.  Fight in Cockpit in which   Commander was beaten by co-pilot.   In Mar 2015,  co-pilot, Germanwings deliberately crashed a plane in the French Alps causing  death of 150.  

12 April 2015:  Interaction with a Lady of 50.  Her confusion and disorientation surprised me as I have always perceived her to be a woman of substance. She has been thru rough and tumble of life including near death experience smilingly and powerfully.   It was disconcerting to find someone of her financial stature and maturity shrouded in cobwebs of emotions.  

These indicators are much too compelling to gloss over. It brought back memories of my experiences listening to young and old helplessly struggling due to absence of any credible support system. Barring few, insatiable urge for wealth of professionals makes me wonder as to their state of mental health!   

   
 Perspectives on Counselors/Professionals 

 Dr M Scott Peck, renowned psychotherapist & author of best seller ‘The Road Less Traveled.   Excerpts; ‘therapist’s ability bears very little relationship to any credentials…   Love, courage & wisdom cannot be certified by academic degrees….two of the very greatest therapists I know have never even graduated from college; Persona of a Counselor: 70% innate qualities & 30% skill.  

Comments of Two Young Professionals Recently. 1) “most so called erudite scholars live in distress.  Doon Youth Centre (DYC) Counseling Facilities has been best that i have come across in my lifetime, after having met so many professionals. 2) Totally agree. Nothing can make somebody scholar if s/he doesn't have right attitude.”

What is Mental Health?

It encompasses complex interpolative functions of our uniquely designed network generating thinking. In turn having bearing on our emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It affects how we think, feel, and act. It also helps determine how we handle stress, relate to others, and make choices.  Essence of this well conceived understanding may be expressed figuratively thus:   Thoughts—Feelings—Choice of Behavior & Response—Interpersonal Relationship. Source as modified 

To sum up mental health is an intrinsically dynamic factor embedded within and with sacrosanct individual choice to manage life purposefully or otherwise!

Number Afflicted with Mental Health   

Healthy Sexuality. For better understanding of affliction we need to  re-read Healthy Sexuality Part I & II (Restructured) of my blog.  To briefly recap, sexuality is the totality of being a male or female Ethically, Emotionally, Mentally, Relationally, Spiritually & Physically.   Most importantly, Healthy Sexuality does not mean absence of decease or libido.  In other words, those with unhealthy sexuality would fall into the category:  ‘Afflicted With Mental Health.’    

Official Statistics. Banters like ‘semantics of lies and damn lies’ have often subtly questioned the veracity of such stats.  As for stats on Emotional Quotient (EQ), I have strong reservation on official figures as informal feedbacks in an enabling environment are more credible being less intimidating to responders.      

Informal Feedback 
During past few months I have been bouncing off thoughts with people belonging to different age groups, social/financial status, male/female, work place environment, different countries and so on. Credible figure globally howsoever inconvenient/shocking is as high as 80 to 85 percent enduring stressful life wearing masks.  

   More than 90 percent teenagers/adults  are affected by Boy-Girl Friend relationship. This has been repeatedly revealed thru surveys and interactions  with students of at least 30 different schools  over a period of 15 years. 
 
More than 90 percent are victims of sexual abuse, eve teasing, domestic violence, marital disharmony, promiscuous life, substance abuse and so on. 

Determinant of Mental Health  

Masking Emotions.  

Transparency is a crucial factor of healthy relationship. Yet all are perfectly trained in wearing masks from childhood. Consequences are right on our face as stated already. Bottled up emotions manifest in unacceptable behaviors like strained relationships, violence, substance abuse, psychosomatic issues, self harm, suicides and so on.   

As a survivor of sexual abuse,  I vividly recall my vulnerable life style for decades wearing masks.  Advisors were many and so was I. Frequent rebuffs did not help mend ways as I was too insecure to let go relationship. Drought of empathetic listeners worsened my internal health! Despite perfect  physical fitness, mental health, though asymptomatic clinically, disturbed my comfort zone constantly.    

By default or design my popularity curve was on upswing till 50. Flair for quality entertainment and performance expanded egoistic halo. Pampered by families, ladies in particular, put me on a fancy trip to nowhere! Successfully pre-empted childhood garbage of erotic thoughts to override my values!  Some occasions were too irresistible! Literally I waded through hormonal fire frequently until the shift in paradigm from unhealthy to healthy sexuality post 60!   

Retrospectively, envious wrath of many to tarnish my image is a statement on afflicted mind-sets of people then. State of inertia continues despite advancement! Neighbors still relish gossiping about morbid happenings in the neighborhood.  

Behavior

It is a continuum of choices following perfect pattern designed by the Creator:  Thoughts—Feelings—Choice/Action—Repeated Choice/Action—Habits—Repeated Habits—Character—Destiny.  Annotations:

·               Values/principles/rights & wrongs influence quality of thinking & thought impulse.
·               Feelings could be either Positive or Negative depending on the quality of thoughts.
·               Choices/Actions demonstrate behavior revealing attitude.  

Verbal (V)  and/or Non-Verbal (NV) Communication. Simply put expression of choices/action could be either. NV includes everything other than verbal like voice tone, body language, eyes/eyebrow movement and so on. Interaction is in fact interplay of the two components V & NV in ratio of 1:9. Refers Page 240-41 The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R Covey. 

Non-Verbal Communication being 90 percent it would be almost impossible to hide internal environment  by wearing masks to a perceptive observer.  

Conclusion

Behavior mirrors mental health. Good mental health generates happy feelings leading to good behavior. Conversely, bad behavior reflects unhealthy mental state. It is as simple as that enabling self-assessment!! Solution? 

Thursday, 9 April 2015

MUSINGS SER 3 CHRONICLE HUMOUR




Image result for images laughter
Introduction

Much as I adore English humour, I need assistance in following dialogues in movies. Rolling American accent still confuses me.  The charm is lost with frequent hiccups in the flow of laughter asking clarifications.  The accompanying guilt of disturbing someone is bothersome. 

However, uninterrupted amusement is on full flow even now viewing rib-tickling action movies like Laurel & Hardy, Three Stooges, Jerry Lewis in Nutty Professor and western movies of Clint Eastwood.  

During teenage years someone narrated a Sardarji joke. I could relate with it very well: ‘Sardar laughs at a joke thrice; first time he joins everyone; second time when he understands it and third time at himself’.  

Quality wit and humour comes naturally to very few. Blessed are those endowed with the skills to draw full-throated laughter without spicing the content with profanities—prevailing trend getting grosser by the day.  Until well into my 50s I almost excelled in narrating bawdy jokes.  Insecurities within and craving for attention motivated me to keep my joke-bank updated with raw contents, coarser the better.  

Few days back surprise visit of my class mate after decades revived delightful childhood memories.  He pointedly recalled my popularity and proficiency in spiking convulsive guffaws. Retrospectively, a sad reminder of my messed-up phase of life.  

However, I still relive very special moments of subtle humour. This is the second chronicle  on humour—undiluted tonic of life. 

Snippets

Sikkim 1967-70

Mid 1967  Sikkim hit news headlines. Tranquility was disturbed with exchange of heavy artillery fire across the Chinese border. Just then my posting orders arrived. Farewell from Ranchi was touching sensing concern of well-wishers for a prospective martyr! With trepidation I was curious to witness action—life time dream of a young soldier.  
Image result for images indian army laughter 
Perhaps, I am a Jonah when it comes to war experience. The day I landed at Siliguri, rail head, ceasefire was declared. Dealing with aftereffects of that brief action sensitized me to the futility and painful  suffering.  

On induction and during acclimatization veterans cautioned us to respect mountains. Thereby suggesting abiding by the prescribed norms and to avoid heroic adventurism.  We witnessed the consequence of adventurism by a Brigadier.  Ignoring standard procedures his maiden trip to a high altitude location nearly cost him his life. 

Three years of tenure were eventful with unforgettable memories—breathtaking sunrise peeping over  inaccessible peaks; snowflakes silently piling-up 5 to 6 feet of snow; effect of frozen water on vehicle wind screen gave the impression of shattered glass. In fact it was a paid-for lifetime experience.   

We were a small but fun-loving team of officers of different age group headed by an accomplished and inspiring Commander. Next in the hierarchy was Major Chandrasinghji (Chandra) high calibre professional with creative  flair for pranks.

Lieutenant  Murthy’s Marriage.  

A naïve young Murthy from Army Education Branch was endearing member of our team. He was repository of knowledge in his own inimitable style and incredible genuineness. One evening during dinner he excitedly announced plans to proceed home for marriage.  Immediate and serious retort from Chandra—‘Baby, have you taken permission of the Commander?’ Surprised and crest-fallen, Murthy, unsure of the permission, nervously stuttered—‘Sir my application will be on table before you reach office tomorrow morning’. Watching the proceedings was much too  amusing for the rest of us to stop laughing. Am not sure whether Murthy slept that night! 

Next morning Chandra was ready with another shocker. He promptly returned the application enfaced with the terse comments—‘Where is the Medical Certificate?’   To preempt Murthy lapsing into coma the prank was disclosed with fanfare and merriment. 

Good news—Murthy married as scheduled and living happily thereafter, hopefully!  Wish we meet sometime to revive those lovely days! 

Gangtok Sikkim Mid 1969

One bright sunny morning, Chandra walked in with a  fancy pipe tucked between teeth and humming semblance of a discordant tune. Spritely  movement revealed good mood—something unusual for someone feared for his unpredictable temperament.  Though exceptionally humane, he was equally intolerant towards incompetence. 

Image result for images laurel hardyPeeped in to say ‘Sweetheart good morning’ to me before going to his office.  Soon I heard him ask telephone operator to connect one Commanding Officer located 17 miles away uphill. Traveling time in good weather and road condition  was minimum two hours. Few minutes later he reminded the operator. I was a bit surprised at his unusual patience that day. 

Just then I heard him admonishing the operator for delay. Yet the call did not mature as another operator in the chain of communication did not heed to the urgency. By then Chandra’s anger fuse was smoldering. Developments thereafter were amusing and hilariously telling: 

Chandra: ‘17 mile operator ko lagao’ (connect me to 17 mile operator)
Operator 17 Mile (OP): ‘Yes Sir”
Chandra: With sharp tone—‘Aapke CO sahib ko milain’. (Connect me to your CO).  
OP: ‘He is not available sir’. Operator decided to be awkward
Chandra: ‘Aapke Second in Command ko milao.’  
OP replied arrogantly: ‘He is also not available Sir’. 
Chandra by now was fuming: Aap kisi ko bhi lagao jo aapko kaid kar sakta ho’. (connect anyone who can arrest you). 

Operator promptly disconnected the line underestimating the grit of Chandra. Hearing the last comment I was in convulsions. Soontherafter, Chandra left for 17 mile location to ensure arrest of  the insubordinate operator.  Mission accomplished he returned late evening after enjoying hospitality of the CO with beer and sumptuous lunch. He was humming that unmusical note!! 

Chandra and I maintained contact for over a decade.  He retired as Major General, a well deserved promotion.    

Long Defense Management Course (LDMC), Secunderabad

LDMC is a sought-after course attended by selected officers with bright career profile. Colonel Beecha, reputed for repartee and uncanny talent for rote learning,  attended the prestigious course in 1970s. 

Rote Learning Ability. Sometime in 1960s  his rote learning was put to test under unfortunate circumstances. Verbatim narrative  while answering questions during examination was scrutinized by faculty members. Noting that colons and semicolons were same, his explanation was sought by the Chief Instructor (CI). Offended he requested  for pencil and paper. Sitting right there, he asked which question to answer. Taken a back yet certain of catching the bluff, CI mentioned one.  Spontaneously, Beecha started writing. Peeping over, all present were shocked with his photographic memory. Thus his honour was vindicated with recognition and applause.

LDMC students were addressed regularly by visiting faculty of international standing. Each one  was a specialist with hands-on experiences. On one occasion the speaker was senior bureaucrat of integrity with field experience in execution of high value projects. Sharing challenges faced he said—‘degeneration in unethical practices is alarming. On occasions these fearless mafias had the audacity to offer me bribes. I was shocked when they brazenly offered me 5 percent commission’. Immediately Beecha raised his finger. He stood up to make a witty point—‘Sir in your place I would have fainted as the going rate is 10 percent’. Resounding laughter almost brought down the roof. 

Pune Club Episode Early 1990s.  Becha’s expertise as bridge player was well known. Though Colonel (retired), he was almost cynical about seniority protocol.  Once a serving Major General, junior in service, was his bridge partner. Both were strangers.  Impressed with Beecha’s adroitness in winning an almost impossible  contract the General  rejoiced saying: ‘excellent play partner. Tell me how do I call you?’ Poker-faced prompt retort: ‘You may call me Sir’.  Typical sample of his repartee. 
      
Controversial Beecha has been ardent admirer of PG Woodhouse, renowned satirist. Our friendship proliferated respecting mutual space.  Unfortunately, my friend is not well! I miss his banters for all occasions. Witnessing sufferings, one feels so helpless! 

Image result for images indian jokerEpilogue

            Sad to note the spiraling slide in quality of entertainment ventures be it live, visual or movies.  Since such commercial programs attended by celebrities are TRP centric, does the abysmal slide reflect degenerative public mind?