youth

youth

Sunday, 15 November 2015

MUSINGS 8 THOUGHTS TO REMEMBER SERIAL 4



GO NOT TO THE TEMPLE

RABINDRANATH TAGORE


Go not to the temple to put flowers upon the feet of God,

First fill your own house with the Fragrance of love...

Go not to the temple to light candles before the altar of God,

First remove the darkness of sin from your heart...

Go not to the temple to bow down your head in prayer,

First learn to bow in humility before your fellowmen...

Go not to the temple to pray on bended knees,

First bend down to lift someone who is down-trodden...

Go not to the temple to ask for forgiveness for your sins,

First forgive from your heart those who have sinned against you.


Comments 

The poem gladdened me as it resonates my thoughts on ritualism since childhood.   Theme of popular movies like OMG & PK has the same message.  

Tagore’s views on education— “He found his outside formal schooling to be inferior and boring and, after a brief exposure to several schools, he refused to attend school. The only degrees he ever received were honorary ones bestowed late in life”. 

To brag I have a degree—Inter Sc (NDA). But  that degree would have rendered me ineligible for white-collar job!! 






MEANINGFUL  PERSPECTIVES


Death asked Life: Why does everyone love you and hate me.  
Life replied : Because I am a beautiful Lie and you are a painful Truth
Loneliness is not lack of company, it is lack of purpose

Never search your happiness in others, it will make you alone, search it in yourself you will feel happy even when you are alone. 

To make right choices in life, you have to get in touch with your soul. To do this, you need to experience solitude, which most people are afraid of, because in the silence you hear the truth and know the solutions.

 Let your past make you better and not bitter

Intriguing Co-incidence 

a)         Temple is a 6 letter word
b)         Church is a 6 letter word 
c)          Mosque is a 6 letter word
d)         Geeta is a 5 letter word
e)         Bible is a 5 letter word
f)           Quran is a 5 letter word

Rhetorics 

1)     Always welcome the problems; because problems give you dual advice—First, you know how to solve it and Second, you know how to avoid it in future

2)     Entire water in the ocean can never sink a ship unless it gets inside. All the pressures of life can never hurt you unless you let them in

3)     Never hold your head high with pride or ego; even the winner of a gold medal gets his medal only when he bows his head

4)     World always say – Find good people and leave bad ones. But I say, find the good in people and ignore the bad in them, because No one is born perfect

5)     We are very good Lawyers for our mistakes, but very good Judges of other’s mistakes

6)     None can destroy iron, but its own rust can! Likewise, none can destroy a person, but his own mindset can.

7)     Ups and downs in life are very important to keep us going, because a straight line even in an E.C.G. means we are not alive.

8)     Consequences of How One Interacts. Anger distances hearts. To cover that distance angry people shout at each other. Angrier they are higher is the decibel level.  When in love, we talk  softly as distance is almost  non-existent. Unrestrained arguments may cause irreconcilable distance. Then one may not find the path to return!!  

9)     Joys of Living.   Mobile has taught us three things .... Whatever makes us happy  -- save it.....Whatever makes others happy -- forward it.....Whatever will make no one happy -- Delete it....




PROCESS OF EMPOWERMENT

LEARN FROM GIRAFFE

Baby giraffes never go to school. But they learn a very important lesson rather early in life. A lesson that all of us would do well to remember. The birth of a baby giraffe is quite an earth-shaking event. The baby falls from its mother's womb, some eight feet above the ground. It shrivels up and lies still, too weak to move. The mother giraffe lovingly lowers her neck to smooch the baby giraffe.  

And then something unbelievable happens. She lifts her long leg and kicks the baby giraffe, sending it flying up in the air and tumbling down on the ground. As the baby lies curled up, the mother kicks the baby again and again until the baby giraffe, still trembling and tired, pushes its limbs and for the first time learns to stand on its feet. Happy to see the baby standing on its own feet, the mother giraffe comes over and gives it yet another kick. The baby giraffe falls one more time, but now quickly recovers and stands up.  

Mama Giraffe is delighted. She knows that her baby has learnt an important lesson: Never mind how hard you fall, always remember to pick yourself up and get back on your feet.  Mother  giraffe knows lions and leopards relish giraffe meat. Unless the baby quickly learns to stand and run with the pack it will have no chance of survival.

Most of us give up when we fail or when chips are down. We too need to self-kick ourselves  out of our comfort zone and be empowered before adulthood.

Or else survival amongst wolves prowling concrete jungles would be even more difficult!!



Friday, 13 November 2015

MUSINGS 7 PARABLE 2

EPISODE 1

NARRATIVE OF A NATIONALIST

ON UNSUNG MARTYR—2015



'Till yesterday I had no idea who Lance Naik Mohan Nath Goswami was. Then I read that this commando killed 10 insurgents in 11 days and laid down his life hit by that fatal bullet. He was killed in Kupwara district Kashmir when Indian Special Forces  exchanged heavy fire in the Hafruda forests. And all we want to know is what is his family getting as compensation for his valour!

For a moment when you want to critique your armed forces think of him. Forget the furor over whether the Nehru stadium is a dynastic monument.
Ignore the 11 day riot over a high society murder. Snub that union minister who nattered on for no reason at all. Pay attention to the real Indian.

This is the sort of gallantry that makes it worthwhile to take that OROP deal and hand it on a silver platter to these glorious men and women of our armed forces. All 1.2 billion people should stand up and salute him...they make movies about people like this. That’s your soldier. Guts and Glory.

How many of our men went out and scored 10 hits in that many days and then went out again. Imagine the mayhem those 10 terrorists could have engineered if it wasn’t for this man. How many hundreds of lives have been saved by this incredible man? So, as Mark Anthony said, who will do him reverence.

Where is our Defense Ministry and what are they offering as gratitude?
I have not seen any talk show lauding him. Nothing about his funeral. Give him the country’s most high award for valour now...once his commanding officer has confirmed the heroism there is no need to wait. Announce the ex gratia payment and pledge to the nation that Lance Naik Goswami is the man of the hour.

I ask only one question? When will his widow get her revised OROP pension? No more, no less. A simple question, not semantics, no great chest beating, just asking...anybody out there hear the voice of valour?'

Comments

Who is an Icon? Someone who sheds blood and dies for his country or someone who shed sweat  to earn a name for himself and brings glory to his country!!  

Spontaneous response of a 19 year old medical student—'martyr of course'.





EPISODE 2

DIGNITY IS NOT NEGOTIABLE



At a Law College one morning, teacher entered the classroom to teach "Introduction to the Rights" and asked a student seated on the first bench: "What is your name?"


Student:  "My name is Juan, Sir."


Teacher: "Leave the classroom and I don't want to see you in my class ever!" screamed the unpleasant teacher.


Juan was bewildered. He got hold of his senses, collected his belongings and left the classroom. All were scared and angry; however nobody spoke anything.


"Well...." said the teacher, "whom do the enacted Laws serve?"


We were afraid, but slowly gained confidence and we began to answer his questions.


"So that there is an order in our society."


"No!" The teacher answered


"To accomplish them."


"No!"


"So that the wrong people pay for their actions?"


"No! Is it that nobody knows to answer this question?!"


"So that there is justice," said a girl timidly.


"At last! That's it.... so that there is justice. And now, what is the use of justice?"


All began to feel uneasy by such rude attitude. However, we followed answering....


"To safeguard the human rights...."


"Well, what more?" asked the teacher.


"To differentiate the right from the wrong.... to reward the good...."


"OK, that is not bad; however... answer this question:


Did I act correctly when expelling Juan from the classroom?"


All were quiet, nobody answered.


"I want a decisive and unanimous answer!"


"No!" we all replied in unison.


"Could you all say I committed injustice?"


"Yes!"


"And why did nobody do anything in that respect? So why do we need Rules and Laws if we don't have the necessary will to practice them? Each one of you has the obligation to respond when you witness injustice. All of you! Do not stay quiet, never again! Go and call Juan".


On that day, I received the most practical lesson in my course of Law.


When we don't defend our Rights, we lose our Dignity, and Dignity is not negotiable.

My Comments


            This episode reminds me of a question asked by a teenager few years ago—'Is it possible to  hold on to ethics (justice in this case) in real life'?  My reply to this pragmatic question:

             'Yes when one is prepared to pay  the price, be it career, wealth, relationship, interests of kith and kin and so on.  Illustrations—1) 2007/8—19 year old boy visited RTO for a month to get driving license without paying bribe.  2)  1974—Refused demand for 'chai pani' by porter after loading my Vespa Scooter on train. Next morning I arrived in Dehradun minus the two wheeler which was finally declared lost by railways. I had to purchase another one. Have no regrets till date 3) Much to my discomfort, paid bribe of  Rs 20/- to 'Court Peshkars' so that legal documents are not misplaced. Retrieval  process would have cost huge expenditure of white money. I was not willing to pay that price'. 



EPISODE 3

VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN

A PERSPETIVE

FEMINIST AUTHOR GLORIA STEINEM, 80

Iconic authoress shared her thoughts candidly at Jaipur Literature Festival. She said "if we want to make the world free of violence against women, it's time we start raising our sons like daughters and our daughters like we raise our sons."

She was in the forefront of women's liberation movement in 1960-70 and has since then campaigned for a variety of causes. She voiced her support for abortion rights and equal rights for women as well as denounced human trafficking.

The American author activist said that while India has been dealing with cases of exploitation and violence against women, the situation has not been much different across the world as well.

Denouncing the "dominating nature of males" existing worldwide, she said, "The problem starts with the men, because the dominating nature of males is something which exists everywhere and is the root of all crimes against women."

The author also launched a scathing attack on the mindset of men.

"Men do not feel like men if they do not dominate women. Why do rape cases involve the usage of foreign objects...? It is because men feel great with that cruelty. It is in their nature," she said.

Monday, 2 November 2015

COUNSELING DIFFERENTLY PART III

Reflections 

Recalling those two memorable days’ training in Sep 2000 and elevating journey thereafter stir feelings of déjà vu.

Pre-lunch session on 1st Day has been covered in part II. Post-lunch phase was even more intense, learning skills/techniques on How to Facilitate/Counsel on Non-Directive Counseling (NDC) mode. Most challenging was how to draw out a counselee to share feelings. Equally  demanding was adhering to the cardinal principle of NDC—‘No Advice’.

Overwhelmed with confusion and self doubt, I  chose to remain silent during the training and long thereafter. I took more than a year practicing regularly to learn the skill. I am still on learning curve. Recently, a 22 year old lady of substance and forthrightness, while sharing emotional struggles, helped me understand myths and possible causes of ‘masochism’.  More on this later to raise awareness of those, including professionals, who wish to learn.

Serendipitous opportunities came my way with steady flow of counselees trusting me to bare their heart.  With no formal degrees to prejudice thinking, I was accessible and open to learning from all irrespective of age or gender; age 10 to 70. 

No-Advice.  Experience has been awesome applying skills to listen and learn from those in emotional distress. In the process observing their paradigm shift from dismay to optimism. Much to my delight and knowledge, they felt empowered to resolve issues on WIN-WIN mode. It repeatedly reinforced my understanding on the relevance of ‘NO-ADVICE RIDER’  in NDC.

 Many examples of empowered choice have been related in my blog already. One such episode narrated in post,  Life Skills 2 Happiness Part II, is reproduced:

Within few months of marriage, wife was bed-ridden with serious ailment needing long term treatment and care. Anti Mother-in-Law planned to eliminate her. Denying breakfast when son left home for work was a convenient option. Under-fed and confused she was unable to think of any solution without causing rift and unpleasantness. Evidently her Happiness Quotient had nose-dived. 

She approached me for solution thru email. My caustic comment “What will you do if I am not on the planet?” re-jigged her power of quality thinking.

Following day she reverted with ‘Winners’ Response’—‘Sushant, problem solved. While having dinner yesterday I suggested to my husband: “tomorrow onwards we will have breakfast together”. 


Potential Facilitators 70/30    

To state the obvious, mental health issues are too pervasive to be left to professionals.  Besides, their strength is disproportionately low. The void can be filled by training potential Facilitators 70/30.

Having benefitted from the ‘sessions’, many expressed willingness to be trained as Facilitators 70/30. Few have  started doing commendable work. Harshit Sehdev has undertaken pioneering work on emotional health of employees of a reputed construction company in Uttarakhand. 18 year old  Anahita Batra is all primed to be a better counselor than me and why not as she has the potential and focus to be one. Recently she volunteered to spend long hours with me to learn the Skills. She has conducted workshops for orphans much to the satisfaction of participants and Management.  Requests  for more such workshops could not be planed as she had to join college after class 12. There she is already a Peer Educator in her own right.   

My aspiration is to reach out to all the potential Facilitators. I reckon there are many more Harshits and Anahitas waiting to come on board!
   

Characteristics of Facilitators 70/30 

To recap 70% Innate Qualities of a Facilitator are Listening Skills,  Ethics, Compassion, Empathy, Unconditional Love, Courage, Wisdom, Humility,   No Prejudice & Genuineness.

These are precisely the attributes alluded to by Dr M Scott Peck in his perspective of a competent psychotherapist—

“Several readers have written to inquire how one should go about choosing the right therapist…….. Usually on the basis of a single interview with a therapist, you will be able to pick up either good or bad vibes. But more important than anything else is whether the therapist is a genuinely caring person”. The Road Less Travelled. 

Counselees’ Feedback.  Seeking forthright feedback from counselees always helped me to progressively evaluate and hone my skills.  On that as well as experience of 15 years, I fully endorse the informed views of Dr Scott. To recall one helpful feedback:

Importance of eyes and dangers of touching  in listening I learnt from feedback of a victim of sexual assault. Her apprehension of pregnancy was over after 20 days or so once periods started.  That afternoon she bounced in gleefully to thank me. Gist of our dialogue:

Sushant            For my education, how was the session?

Ms X                Excellent because you were there listening

Sushant           How did you make out?

Ms X                Your eyes conveyed, you were listening to me.    

Sushant            Did you expect me to console you by touching?

                          Ms X               No. I would have recoiled and quit then


Response regarding touch was same from another 19 year old girl. 

Before counseling, self introspection of one’s short comings is important to include ‘ability to deal with outburst of crying, anger, arrogance etc’.   To illustrate:

My good friend, Mrs Verma, 65, a student-friendly teacher had attended the training along with me. She was also selected to join volunteer training. She did not show up.  When I called up, she said:

“Sushant  I was shaken up to the core  when that young girl burst out crying during the mock role play on anger. I am too emotional to handle such situations”.


1ST Day Post-Lunch Session


How to Counsel/Facilitate?

Strong intervention by Samir before lunch strengthened my resolve to learn NDC.  The task was daunting having become   Conscious of my Incompetence during pre-lunch session.

Afternoon session started with the two moderators briefly explaining certain Words/Phrases related to NDC. Major portion of time was set aside for practical training and practice. To be honest, I was totally at sea all through the practice session. It was during weekly sittings at DYC that I regained bearing slowly and steadily aided by Ken and team members.  

Subsequent inputs from experts, both national and international, helped develop better understanding on the nuances of counseling. Hands on experiences and feedbacks progressively enriched learning. All valuable inputs learnt were dovetailed into DYC  Training Modules subsequently.  Thereby teaching time-tested practice-able skills.   

Patent Certification.  Without intending to be supercilious,  I am convinced of the uniqueness of our counseling technique. It has evolved over 15 years through multi-pronged activities and unsparing introspection in-house. Our methodology, I dare say,  has the uniqueness to be patented. 

Words/Phrases Related to NDC

Listed are words and expressions having bearing on NDC:

1)                    Building Rapport;

2)                    Exploring Feelings;

3)                    Listening;

4)                    Internal Frame of Reference;

5)                    Difference between Empathy and Sympathy;

6)                    Route 350;   

7)                    Open-Ended Questions;

8)                    Reflecting/Mirroring;

9)                    Paraphrasing;

10)                 Summarizing;

11)                 Parts of Counseling Sessions.  

12)                 Helpful Blurbs— Feelings Cycle  and Graph;  Proactive Response; Love Languages; Behavior Model; Transparency; Difficulties Experienced as per Feedback from Trained Facilitators 70/30.    

                       Explanation of each with real life examples would be covered in the ensuing Parts.  Endeavour shall be to remain rooted to real life examples without confusing the reader with academic jargon/semantics. Should I default, please be candid in reverting with comments/observation, howsoever, unpalatable


                                                                                                                         To Be Contd