Reflections
Recalling those two memorable days’ training in Sep 2000 and elevating journey thereafter stir feelings of déjà vu.
Pre-lunch session on 1st Day has been covered in part II. Post-lunch phase was even more intense, learning skills/techniques on How to Facilitate/Counsel on Non-Directive Counseling (NDC) mode. Most challenging was how to draw out a counselee to share feelings. Equally demanding was adhering to the cardinal principle of NDC—‘No Advice’.
Overwhelmed with confusion and self doubt, I chose to remain silent during the training and long thereafter. I took more than a year practicing regularly to learn the skill. I am still on learning curve. Recently, a 22 year old lady of substance and forthrightness, while sharing emotional struggles, helped me understand myths and possible causes of ‘masochism’. More on this later to raise awareness of those, including professionals, who wish to learn.
Serendipitous opportunities came my way with steady flow of counselees trusting me to bare their heart. With no formal degrees to prejudice thinking, I was accessible and open to learning from all irrespective of age or gender; age 10 to 70.
No-Advice. Experience has been awesome applying skills to listen and learn from those in emotional distress. In the process observing their paradigm shift from dismay to optimism. Much to my delight and knowledge, they felt empowered to resolve issues on WIN-WIN mode. It repeatedly reinforced my understanding on the relevance of ‘NO-ADVICE RIDER’ in NDC.
Many examples of empowered choice have been related in my blog already. One such episode narrated in post, Life Skills 2 Happiness Part II, is reproduced:
Within few months of marriage, wife was bed-ridden with serious ailment needing long term treatment and care. Anti Mother-in-Law planned to eliminate her. Denying breakfast when son left home for work was a convenient option. Under-fed and confused she was unable to think of any solution without causing rift and unpleasantness. Evidently her Happiness Quotient had nose-dived.
She approached me for solution thru email. My caustic comment “What will you do if I am not on the planet?” re-jigged her power of quality thinking.
Following day she reverted with ‘Winners’ Response’—‘Sushant, problem solved. While having dinner yesterday I suggested to my husband: “tomorrow onwards we will have breakfast together”.
Potential Facilitators 70/30
To state the obvious, mental health issues are too pervasive to be left to professionals. Besides, their strength is disproportionately low. The void can be filled by training potential Facilitators 70/30.
Having benefitted from the ‘sessions’, many expressed willingness to be trained as Facilitators 70/30. Few have started doing commendable work. Harshit Sehdev has undertaken pioneering work on emotional health of employees of a reputed construction company in Uttarakhand. 18 year old Anahita Batra is all primed to be a better counselor than me and why not as she has the potential and focus to be one. Recently she volunteered to spend long hours with me to learn the Skills. She has conducted workshops for orphans much to the satisfaction of participants and Management. Requests for more such workshops could not be planed as she had to join college after class 12. There she is already a Peer Educator in her own right.
My aspiration is to reach out to all the potential Facilitators. I reckon there are many more Harshits and Anahitas waiting to come on board!
Characteristics of Facilitators 70/30
To recap 70% Innate Qualities of a Facilitator are Listening Skills, Ethics, Compassion, Empathy, Unconditional Love, Courage, Wisdom, Humility, No Prejudice & Genuineness.
These are precisely the attributes alluded to by Dr M Scott Peck in his perspective of a competent psychotherapist—
“Several readers have written to inquire how one should go about choosing the right therapist…….. Usually on the basis of a single interview with a therapist, you will be able to pick up either good or bad vibes. But more important than anything else is whether the therapist is a genuinely caring person”. The Road Less Travelled.
Counselees’ Feedback. Seeking forthright feedback from counselees always helped me to progressively evaluate and hone my skills. On that as well as experience of 15 years, I fully endorse the informed views of Dr Scott. To recall one helpful feedback:
Importance of eyes and dangers of touching in listening I learnt from feedback of a victim of sexual assault. Her apprehension of pregnancy was over after 20 days or so once periods started. That afternoon she bounced in gleefully to thank me. Gist of our dialogue:
Sushant For my education, how was the session?
Ms X Excellent because you were there listening
Sushant How did you make out?
Ms X Your eyes conveyed, you were listening to me.
Sushant Did you expect me to console you by touching?
Response regarding touch was same from another 19 year old girl.
Before counseling, self introspection of one’s short comings is important to include ‘ability to deal with outburst of crying, anger, arrogance etc’. To illustrate:
My good friend, Mrs Verma, 65, a student-friendly teacher had attended the training along with me. She was also selected to join volunteer training. She did not show up. When I called up, she said:
“Sushant I was shaken up to the core when that young girl burst out crying during the mock role play on anger. I am too emotional to handle such situations”.
1ST Day Post-Lunch Session
How to Counsel/Facilitate?
Strong intervention by Samir before lunch strengthened my resolve to learn NDC. The task was daunting having become Conscious of my Incompetence during pre-lunch session.
Afternoon session started with the two moderators briefly explaining certain Words/Phrases related to NDC. Major portion of time was set aside for practical training and practice. To be honest, I was totally at sea all through the practice session. It was during weekly sittings at DYC that I regained bearing slowly and steadily aided by Ken and team members.
Subsequent inputs from experts, both national and international, helped develop better understanding on the nuances of counseling. Hands on experiences and feedbacks progressively enriched learning. All valuable inputs learnt were dovetailed into DYC Training Modules subsequently. Thereby teaching time-tested practice-able skills.
Patent Certification. Without intending to be supercilious, I am convinced of the uniqueness of our counseling technique. It has evolved over 15 years through multi-pronged activities and unsparing introspection in-house. Our methodology, I dare say, has the uniqueness to be patented.
Words/Phrases Related to NDC
Listed are words and expressions having bearing on NDC:
1) Building Rapport;
2) Exploring Feelings;
3) Listening;
4) Internal Frame of Reference;
5) Difference between Empathy and Sympathy;
6) Route 350;
7) Open-Ended Questions;
8) Reflecting/Mirroring;
9) Paraphrasing;
10) Summarizing;
11) Parts of Counseling Sessions.
12) Helpful Blurbs— Feelings Cycle and Graph; Proactive Response; Love Languages; Behavior Model; Transparency; Difficulties Experienced as per Feedback from Trained Facilitators 70/30.
To Be Contd
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