Preface
There is a wide-spread
belief that Indians lack sense of humour
and unable to laugh at themselves!
Perhaps there is substance. Is it
something peculiar to us Indians or universal would be an interesting
study!
Readers may recall the
popularity of ‘Humour in Uniform’ column in Readers’ digest. Whenever I grabbed a copy that was the page I
read first. Some of the snippets were unforgettably funny.
I think one looks best when
smiling. Some smiles are too captivating and draw irresistible attention. Mona Lisa smile has been immortalized by Leonardo
da Vinci. It still draws spontaneous
appreciation even after five centuries. I
wonder if anyone would take initiative to even exchange greetings with
poker-faced people.
In retrospect, as for me listening
to people endowed with sense of humour has been a rewarding experience. Those
unforgettable occasions, etched in memory, add spice to life reliving those moments
even now.
Amusing
Snippets
August
1962
Process of induction into
Army is replete with mixed bag of memories narrated earlier. Officers’ Mess
environment is a wonderful platform for learning. I was thrilled when our Mess was housed in
House Boat—Kashmir’s unique life style.
Having dinner together has
sanctity as it promotes camaraderie.
Amidst us was Lahiri whose unpredictable activities invariably spurred
laughter. In fact he did not have to work hard to earn the epithet of joker!
One night we moved in for
dinner. Lahiri was restless to eat having piled up generous helping of chicken
on his plate disregarding whether enough was left for others. No sooner all were served Lahiri dug-in so hard that his knife slashing
through chicken hit the plate; sound was disturbingly loud contrary to table
manners. Spontaneous response of a
senior colleague—looking at the door he said ‘come in’! We all burst out
and it became shriller when Lahiri having ascertained whether anyone was
there said ‘But Sir there is no one’! Am
still not sure whether he ever understood the pun!
October
1962
Deployed near the border officers’
strength was low. Hence conscious effort was made to have meals together in the
dining room.
Those days several dog bite
cases had rattled the formation commander.
In an urgent Conference he issued orders that all dog owners to tie
locket around necks of pets and those without it be eliminated on top priority.
The orders were promptly disseminated to
all as any dog bite by stray dogs would
draw wrath of the Boss.
Same afternoon we assembled
in the mess for lunch. Lahiri walked in late making a boisterous entry. Humour-packed Captain Collet asked with all
seriousness—‘Lahiri where is your locket’? Rest of us roared into laughter.
Flummoxed Lahiri missed the pun to say—‘But Sir I don’t wear a locket’! Shocked at his naivety or ……the Captain
couldn’t restrain himself—‘Be careful you may be eliminated’! All of us roared
louder. Yet he seemed unmindful of the retort and remained oblivious
thereafter. This howler circulated amongst all and sundry with hushed
tone.
1964
Akhnoor
Akhnoor is an exotic place
on banks of river Chenab and . approximately 20 KMs from Jammu. Road running along the canal is scenic but
distracting to drivers keeping eyes off pretty women bathing. Accidents were frequent.
I was posted to a minor
unit. Officers’ being few we used to have all meals together. LM Gupta (known
as LMG), a senior Captain, was on heavier side with unimpressive looks and laid back attitude. He was nevertheless
popular as he played high quality tennis and bridge. His witty comments revealed knowledge and gift
of the gab. We had amongst us two elderly emergency commissioned officers’.
Lieutenant Dhir, though well meaning
and hard working, had the tendency to make moronic comments.
Once during breakfast, LMG
said something witty. We all laughed. Dhir was unable to restrain himself—
‘Sir, you are very funny’. Looking
disapprovingly retorted ‘you know something Dhir. Initially people laugh at me
but later they laugh with me’. I found his pointed remark amusingly meaningful.
I am still not sure whether Dhir understood the underlying meaning!
LMG and I got along well. I
met him last in Secunderabad Club in
early 1980s playing bridge. Fond memories!
Complexion
Conscious Society
Sikkim 1969: Major
Chelladurai (Chella for short), lithe, handsome, tall, and inspiring individual
with infectious smile and cheerful disposition. As Corps of Signals officer his
crucial responsibility was effective
communication network in high altitude area.
It was winter and cold.
Thick coat of snow layered the
mountainous terrain. No blade of grass or greenery was visible. For
administrative needs purchases had to be made from Gangtok. Travelling downhill
in Mahindra’’s Willys Jeep with skid chains (used in snow bound areas to
prevent skidding) was an ordeal. Heavy clothing and snow goggles covered insignia to distinguish status!
While on way to Gangtok once,
Chella had to stop at a Traffic Check Post (TCP) to record bona-fide movement;
mandatory formality in any operational
area. At such TCPs hitchhikers take lift
as vehicle movement is restricted. There a big built and authoritative Company
Havildar Major (CHM), who is below rank of an officer, approached Chella
sitting on co-driver seat. Unable to see
badges of rank, CHM flaunted his wrist band and signaled with his thumb for
Chella to vacate the seat and sit behind.
Though annoyed at his
arrogance, Chella unchained the jacket to show his badges of rank on shoulder
of the inner shirt. Without uttering a word he signaled him to sit behind.
Embarrassed the CHM promptly saluted and left.
On return in the evening Chella
narrated the episode in his own inimitable style of humour. His concluding comment was—‘today I have
learnt a lesson of my life. Prerequisite for becoming an officer is; one has to
be ‘Fair Complexioned’.
Though we burst out laughing
his comment was ‘Pungent reminder of archaic thinking of a regressive society’.
Has anything changed?
Repartee/Gift
of Gab
Mid
1960 Jammu
Sometime in mid 1960s while
in transit, I joined few special friends for lunch at Officers’ Mess located
near Jammu. They were special because of their wit & gift of the
gab.
While taking lunch exchange
of quality jibes kept us all smiling ear to ear interspersed with loud guffaws.
As a junior I was on listening mode soaking in substantive interactions. Their
use of vocabulary enhanced learning not only of words but phrases too.
Alluding to cerebral
inadequacy Saklani’s repartee—you know Satish’s brain fell off when he met with
an accident. Pat came the counter from Satish— inadvertently he has revealed
the secret; truth is coming behind was Saklani who picked it up to sharpen his
wit’.
1972
Jabalpur
This is in memory of my very dear friend late
Col I Ramachandran (in short Chandran) from Palghat, Kerala. He was an
accomplished artist enviably popular for his wit and humour without malice. Proficient
in Bharat Natyam his control over eye brows enabled him to move them independently. Spectators found it
quite amusing.
Soon after becoming friends
we were together in the faculty of a
well-known Officers’ Training Institution. Weekly social gatherings occupied
prominence due to predilection of the ‘boss
with roving eyes’ for fun and frolic. The
Chief with permission of his vivacious wife nominated me as Entertainment
Officer. Chandran and I were comrades-in-arm
structuring programs for weekly social nights and elsewhere as directed
by our fun-loving Commandant. With ‘humility’
I need to ‘brag’—we were a sought-after bunch reputed for quality entertainment
full of mirth and laughter! On occasions we were mistaken as trained
professionals!
Chandran alone was enough to
keep everyone amused with his expressive pranks and gift of the gab. Once under compelling circumstances I had to
call upon my ‘friend of talents’ to perform extempore. Though taken by
surprise he had to respond to the
thundering applause with grace. I could
sense him fretting and fuming while walking up to the microphone to ring my
neck! Discreet distance and applauding
crowd helped. That evening he was at his best.
With uniquely funny eye brow
movement he surveyed eagerly waiting audience for few seconds. Many had started
smiling looking at him. ‘Well ladies and gentlemen you all know Major Chatrath
and his reputation as a professional and task master. Nothing short of perfection on record time satisfies
him. Feared for setting for himself and
others punishing work schedule’. With plot building-up everyone was exchanging
surreptitious glances at Chatrath who too was listening wearing a smile .
Taken unawares with that
witty comment spontaneous chorus of laughter was deafening. Some
bent over to control convulsions. Meanwhile Chandran was wallowing the
unrestrained applause. Expecting more all of us paused for him to continue—‘the
General advised to say: “I have posted you to the training establishment at Jabalpur so that students benefit from
your learning at USSR. Work hard and be innovative”. Saying Good luck and God
bless the General left.
‘Anxious to perform Major
Chatrosky arrived and reported to Commandant
of the Training Institution. Sharing expectations the Boss directed him to
suggest innovative ideas soonest. Reputed for hard work and high quality result,
Major Chatrosky reverted within 24 hours with his innovative proposal’.
Chandran’s body language was
too gripping to miss his spicy narrative—‘Sir I have discovered one serious
lacuna bothering the trainees. They are unable to locate the room where Precis
(training literature) are stocked. My
suggestion is from class room to précis room arrows on placards marked ‘PRECIS
THIS SIDE’ be displayed showing direction to that room and finally an arrow
marked ‘PRECIS INSIDE’ pasted on the door’. All eyes were glued to his gimmick-ridden
performance nudging us to the brink of breaking into ripples of laughter.
Spectators were sitting on
pins listening—‘But our Chief is a man of details. He pondered for a while and
said: Your proposal is brilliant Chatrosky but there is a problem; so long as
the door is open the arrow will point in the right direction but when the door
is closed it would point to the lavatory. Everyone would laugh at us. Prompt reply of Chatrosky: Yes sir, we
will put a board there ‘DON’T LAUGH’!
Spectators burst out
laughing with tears flowing. Many sat down gripping stomach. All walked up to
congratulate Chandran. As his friend I was relishing it all with pride.
To say that the Social Nite
ended on high note would be an
understatement. Another highlight
was the poise and grace of Major Chatrath right thru the rip-roaring performance
of Chandran in full flow!
Chatrath left planet Earth within
few years of his retirement as Major General.
I still carry fond memories of his professionalism and perfectionism.
Chandran, of course,
occupies a very special place within to
make me smile whenever I recall those days!
