COUNSELING DIFFERENTLY PART II

NO ADVICE/GUIDANCE 

Reflections 

I am more  than convinced that many, particularly youth, possess  potential and passion to provide emotional support as trained Volunteers/Facilitators 70/30 with 70% Innate Qualities and 30% Skill.  This was evident listening to aspirations of those who sought help to deal with emotional struggles and benefitted after our sessions.

My objective is to equip as many aspirants as possible. In pursuit of that vision is this humble endeavor to reach out.  How to do so thru written script is my challenge.  Academic narrative would be too insipid to stimulate interest. Another option could be to relive those awesome moments attending 2 Days’ Workshop in Sep 2000 and real life counseling experiences thereafter. If that could motivate DYC Volunteers like me to learn and sustain interest to hone the skills, it is likely to be as relevant even today! 

Awareness: Paradigm Shift

Soon after the workshop started I discovered how little I knew about counseling. Paradigm shift from Unconscious Incompetence (UI) to Conscious Incompetence (CI) crystallized. This embarrassing realization made me too self-conscious to speak. Listening intently to learn was my convenient  choice. 

Redeeming feature was encouragement from the two excellent Facilitators (Anupam & Samir) from Samaritans—‘Until now you were not aware of your Incompetence. We may congratulate our-self for having taken the huge step forward from UI to CI. Now starts the most challenging journey from CI to Conscious Competence (CC)’.  

 Shift in paradigm was right on our face during Mock Counseling Session scheduled before lunch on Day One. Format was trainees in turn would help the Counselee, Class 10 student (Boy), who has called up Helpline. Counselee Anupam, portrayed the role perfectly.

Session Highlights:

Telephone rings

Counselor (Elderly Lady): Hello, this is DYC helpline, may I help you? 

Counselee:   Madam, how old are you?

Counselor:   65. 

Counselee:   I am only 15. Would you be able to understand my problem? Could I speak to someone younger?   

Counselor : Nervously said OK and hurriedly got up. Young  lady (Psychologist) Trainee took over. 

Observation—Volunteer counselor is expected to continue the session by using skills. Years later, I had to deal with a similar situation.   Boy of 23 asked me the same question in a mock session.  I asked him to narrate any experience wherein someone elderly was unable to help. He immediately started sharing his struggle.

Later he confessed—Sushant I wanted to be difficult but you really put me in a jam by asking that question.    

   

Session continues…

Counselee:   I am in class 10. I like one girl in my class. I want to speak to her but lack courage. Until I speak to her I won’t be comfortable. What should I do?

Counselor (Young Lady Psychologist):  Rehearse what you wish to say in front of mirror. That should help talking to her with confidence.  

Counselee:   Your suggestion sounds crazy. It would look funny talking to myself. It is still not clear how should I talk to her Madam.

PARADIGM?? 

Few trainees in turn made efforts to help but soon got stuck. Session was going nowhere though the counselee kept calling up for days. Anupam steered the session beautifully to make us all realize we were ill-equipped to provide emotional support. Those who walked up confidently had to retract wondering what to do. Loads of advice did not work with cogent counters from Anupam. Glaring incompetence enhanced my discomfort to remain in silent mode

After 25 minutes or so………   

Counselor (Young energetic male teacher): I have a suggestion that should work. You  simply wish to talk to her. For that you may ask for notes of her favourite subject to help your preparation. That would be a very safe thing to do.

After discussing and seeking assurances from counselor that it would work, counselee disconnected seemingly satisfied. Counselor too walked back in self-congratulatory mode. I was also impressed. Following day…..

Counselee:   Hello, are you the same person who suggested me to talk to her for notes?

   

Counselor:    Excitedly replied yes. How was your experience?

Counselee:   Angrily and remorsefully shared his difficult situations—‘Sir what kind of counselor are you? Her boy friend has beaten me up black and blue. I have six stitches on my face. My secret is now in public. Parents have also come to know.  You have put me into so much trouble and embarrassment. I am totally confused and depressed. Boards are near and I am extremely tense.  I do not know what to do and started crying….’

Taken aback, the Counselor started fumbling.  Shocked and embarrassed, he had a look of bewilderment!  Environment was too comical for us to resist laughter. Deafening guffaw drew a strong response from Samir, moderator—

‘What do you find so funny to laugh aloud like this. Do you realize the significance of what has happened? How we have messed up the life of a 15 year old. He approached for emotional support. Instead he finds himself in a situation of NO RETURN.  Surely as volunteers we need to be more sensitive. We will break for lunch now. Please think seriously about the consequences and lessons learnt!! Quietly we moved for lunch’.

Samir's powerful intervention had a sobering  effect!! Suddenly silence set in. All this strengthened my resolve to learn the skills. Later I complimented Samir for his professional input.        

Afternoon session was slotted for skill development on Non Directive Counseling (NDC). This session discouraged me no end as I found myself too tongue-tied to make meaningful contribution despite encouragement and affirmations from Anupam and Samir. Dynamics of it would be shared in next part. 

Lessons

Advice

No one likes advice including those who think they are good at it. By advising, the adviser inadvertently assumes responsibility for the consequences and invariably blamed.  The volunteer (Teacher) when blamed was at sea.

This guiding principle is as much applicable for parents as well as teachers while dealing with children/students.  

           Objective should be empowerment NOT control in that one needs to be self disciplined NOT disciplined. This would enable youth to make choices based on clear understanding of Rights and Wrongs. 

Compassion & Empathy

These two qualities would allow Facilitator 70/30 to listen and understand the internal environment of anyone seeking help. Devoid of the same would lead to insensitive response as it happened when we all laughed and Samir’s strong intervention!

                                                                                                   To Be Contd…….