LIFE THROUGH THE EYES OF MY HELPER PART III

Persona of Guddy

Ethical to the core. Exudes compassion and forever ready to help foregoing own comfort—no less a philanthropist in her own right! But for struggles with punctuality and ill-health, she is an adorable human being. Is amiable and remarkably relational aided by her striking aura of innocence. History of battered life and surviving in almost penury, only strengthened her resolve to desist  temptations. Laudable indeed as she never compromised honour even in extreme adversities. 

Convinced of trustworthiness within a short while of joining in March 2010, I assigned her complete charge of the house including access to purse. Never has she betrayed the trust. One more striking characteristic—she vehemently refuses to take money out of my purse on the 'superstitious plea'—साहबजी ऐसा करने से बरकत खत्म हो जाती है (by doing so His blessings of plenty may end).

 

Experience of over five years has been rewarding and, more importantly, educative listening to her ordeals. Seldom 'Brown Sahabs' like us get to hear raw narratives of unthinkable behavior and blatant violation of Human Rights within and outside the house.   

 

Abusive Past

            Training in non-directive counseling was helpful in drawing her out to share loads of emotional baggage. Progressively she became more and more transparent.  Her ability to demolish walls of conditioning and silence was commendable.  

To refresh memory, I asked her few days back to recall happy phase(s) of her life.  She thought for a while and said two—

Translated:

"पहली बार जब तीन बेटियो के बाद बेटा हूया। First, when my son was born after three daughters. 

दूसरा, जब से यंहा पे काम करने लगी। साहबजी, पैसा सब कुछ नहीं होता। यंहापे मुझे पहली बार इज्ज़त मिली और सुरक्शित महसूस हुआ।  Second since I started working here. Money is not everything. Here I  got respect and felt safe for the first time". 

This gracious input is no reason for me to gloat. In the perception of domestic helpers, I also belong to the 'well-off fraternity of unethical and exploitative 'कोठीवालाज़'!  Image of bachelors/single men is even worse. It is on the repeated assurance of my good friend and his wife that Guddy contacted me and we never looked back thereafter.  

  

Birth of Son

She was delighted and mortally relieved of the fear of divorce and abandonment if fourth child was daughter. This was constantly drummed in by In- Laws  headed by vicious Mother-in-Law ever since birth of daughters.  Her repeated threats of remarriage to beget grandson haunted her 24/7. When third daughter arrived she almost lost sanity; denied breast feed for days to eliminate her. 

At that point in time her suffering was at its worst—insatiable demands of lustful/alcoholic husband, his torrid affair with nymphomaniac ताई (Sister-in-Law), merciless torture for refusing sex, ill-treatment by In-Laws to name few. Birth of daughters consecutively added to her woes. With almost no support from husband or In-Laws, she was compelled to work and silently endured humiliation of कोठी-वालाज and ससुराल-वालाज (In-Laws) to nurture her children.  

Brimming with fear she preferred abortion rather than risk delivery of fourth daughter.  But for her trust in one elderly and revered lady Doctor in Doon Hospital, she would have gone ahead with her plans. This is the Doctor who had forecasted birth of son after three daughters and Guddy's joyful life post 40.    

With tears of joy glistening, she was emotionally charged reliving memories last month. Gratifyingly concluded—'that providential forecast of the Doctor was like dream come true'!

Major Instances of Harassment/Humiliation by कोठी-वालाज

Allegation of Theft. She was once falsely implicated for theft of gold ring. Her repeated plea of innocence did not help as the lady threatened to seek police help. Having led  life of honour and virtue against all odds, the accusation was too much to bear.  Rattled and shattered she contemplated suicide too. Loss of sleep and declining health worried everyone including her torturous सासुमा (mother-in-law).  On  retrieval  of the ring weeks later,  profuse apologies from the lady and her husband restored her honour alright but with loss of faith in  कोठी-वालाज.

Assault on Honour. Ironically, husband of the lady, who had leveled allegation of theft, attempted to molest her. Due to pressing urgency, she went there to request the lady for advance of cash by mortgaging ornament. The lecher bluffed her into walking in though wife was not at home. Her strong response to shame him if he did not unlock the door forced him to back off. Strangely, the wife was fully aware of his predilections yet compromised to co-exist! Perhaps, कोठी-वालाज have perfected the art of wearing masks! Yet we tend to brag about Indian Culture.

Sexual Harassment. Soon after joining work at my place, she walked in one afternoon looking nervous and shaken. Evidently, something unpleasant had happened at the house of a retired officer from ONGC and his cynical wife.  Tears flowing she sat down and blurted out—

Guddy                      साहबजी, हम गरिब जरूर हैं, लेकिन हमारी क्या इज्ज़त नहीं है?

Sushant                  क्या हुआ बताना चाहेंगे (would you like to share what happened)?

Guddy                      टेलीफ़ोन बज रहा था। जब में कमरे के अंदर जाने लगी, मुझे एहसास हुआ की बाबूजी दरबाजे के आड़ में उलंग खड़े हैं। डर के मारे घबरा कर वहाँ से भाग आई। कोठीवाले हमें क्या बाजारू समझते हैं? (Telephone was ringing. As I was about to walk in, I sensed that Babuji (employer) was standing naked next to the door. Shocked and nervous, I ran out. Do Kothiwalas think we are prostitutes? 

In retrospect, she realized his intentions were not honorable. On several occasions, he attempted body contact on some pretext. She had heard about his dalliance with a former maid. His wife seemed OK with it as she was too sick for years to meet his physical needs.  Retribution seems to have caught up—He is ailing since long after paralytic attack!  

 

 Her cynical ways were disrespectful.  She publicly stopped us women helpers (called us nawkrani/kaamwali) from certain chores during periods. It was extremely hurtful and embarrassing.

                   

Horrific Experiences

Post Hospitalization After Rape At 13. See

Disregarding Doctor's advice, sex maniac husband impregnated her engaging in violent sex regularly. Her childhood innocence and adolescence was jolted experiencing the trauma of motherhood at 14. Yet the monster in him was too over-powering to allow her minimum period of recuperation post delivery. 

With no one to intervene, relentless sexual assault continued. Reluctance or refusal invited more hideous aggression—slaps, kicks, punches, use of sticks and dabbing smoldering cigarette-buts on body. She still has ghastly burn marks. 

Harrowing experience in her words—

'दिन भर काम करने के बाद थकान मिटाने के लिए सोना चाहती थी। लेकिन हवस के आवेश मे सारी रात परेशान करते थे। (after working the whole day I needed sleep, but he kept me awake the whole night to satisfy his sexual fantasies)'. 

She became mother of four by early 20s. Frequency of pregnancy and abusive onslaughts including violence-filled sexual assaults for almost two decades,  ruined her health. 

My Learning 

Amidst more of agony than ecstasy how she steered life protecting her honour and that of the children is an inspiring saga. It reinforced my understanding beyond doubt the Power of Quality Thinking and Choices to choose Right over Wrong  on NON-NEGOTIABLE situations.  

     

    To be contd…..