Preamble
Are humans product of process like any other Consumer/Industrial goods?
This question has been engaging my mind lately.
As defined, product is 'a person or thing produced by or resulting from a process, as a natural, social, or historical one'. On that analogy, we are products too like any other
consumables with one distinct endowment—Unique Faculty to Think and Freedom of
Choice.
One crucial
component in the production process of commercial product is Quality Control. Purpose—Customer Satisfaction and Profit. Yet instances are not rare of profiteering and breach
of customers' trust! Recent illustration is that of German
automaker VOLKSWAGEN; marketed substandard cars worldwide for seven years with
tampered emission mechanism aka Cheat or Defeat Device. Overwhelmed with greed,
sullied not only image of the Company but that of a country reputed for unwavering
integrity! Irony of justice—Group CEO allowed to get away lightly by
resigning!!
To eradicate such unethical practice, corporate world remain focused on fine-tuning the Process of Production. Scientifically reliable mechanisms evolved so far are two— International Organization for Standardization (ISO) and Six Sigma Rating. Stamp of these two accredited organization has stupendous value globally. Dream of any company is to join that esteemed club.
Truism
—Quality of finished Product depends upon Quality of the PROCESS of manufacturing.
In other words, quality of finished Product reflects quality of the PROCESS.
Quality of Parenting
How
is this preamble relevant in context of Parenting? Process and Product equation
is equally applicable to humans. Logical inference—behavior of humans
(PRODUCTS) reflects 'Quality of Upbringing or Parenting' (PROCESS), a phrase
often used by teachers and insensitive individuals to criticize unruly students/indecent
behaviours.
Resources,
by way of print/visual media & innovative lecture cum workshops, are
available in abundance. Yet, almost everyone
grows up conditioned in Traditional Parenting observing their parents. Ironically,
on becoming parents, they replicate the same style. Challenge is how to bring about a paradigm
shift and qualitative change in the 'PROCESS'. This is a small step in that
direction!
Evaluation of Behaviour/Parenting
From
childhood, conditioned to be behavior-centric, it is the focal
point of intra/inter-personal relationship. Behavior of children is monitored
whimsically by parents pursuing traditional life style—Dad is busy climbing success
ladder; Mom
finds the load, thrust on her, too burdensome to handle.
With no emotional
support either at home or school, children grow up in a vacuum relying on
friends. Peace prevails until adolescence
when sudden change in behavior unsettles parents. Low Emotional Quotient (EQ) and lack of Life Skills lead to frequent
confrontations.
Real life narrative
of two recent episodes would facilitate better understanding of the Essence of this post—Behavior of an
Individual Mirrors Parenting.
EPISODE 1
Story of a 13 Year
Old Girl
My
good friend, an accomplished and
student-friendly teacher, called up one evening. He wanted to check my
availability to counsel one 13 year old girl, determined to commit suicide.
Choice of that student to share something so huge was a welcome sign. Credit
also goes to the young teacher of 28 or so enabling her to talk so freely.
Despite
emotional upheavals and that too so soon in life, Usha (name changed) was
remarkably calm and composed narrating her concerns with amazing clarity and
fluency both in Hindi and English. Highlights
of our interaction for almost an hour:
Usha I do not want to
live. My parents do not love me. They constantly criticize—तुम से हमें कोई ऊमीद नहीं है। At school colleagues have spread rumors about my
friendship with a boy of class 11. Have become a laughing stock. My reputation has been tarnished unfairly. Someone
has informed my Mom too. Trust factor has nose-dived. They have drawn
conclusions without listening to me. I am not doing well in studies. Feeling
extremely depressed. Have nothing to live for.
Sushant Interspersed
with genuine affirmations and focusing on her positives, I asked—Since when are
you in depression; Have you ever attempted suicide; Who are you closest to?
Usha Since two
years or so I have been sad. Comparison
with others is unbearably painful. Few months back I crossed over the railing on first floor roof
of our house to commit suicide. Just then Dad appeared and pulled me back.
Dressing down followed. Am closest to my sister, 2½ yr old. She may not be able
to talk but she understands me best. I love playing with her.
Sushant Challenged
her to think—1) Does it matter, how her sister would feel in her absence? 2) Narrated
thoughts of a suicide-centric guy who gave up the idea fearing one consequence.
In his words—'Suppose I survive with a major disability'!! 3) Should she allow
herself to be affected by false allegations?
At the end when asked how she was feeling, responded positively to say 'Feeling
lighter and better'. Only time will tell
whether she has been able to take charge of her life as an empowered
teenager!
Observations
Children—Reasons for Emotional Struggle
Undoubtedly, all parents and children love each other! To feel loved, initiative on part of parents would empower sons
& daughters to learn that Lifelong Skills. Emotion-driven responses convert minor
disagreements into conflicts leaving everyone feeling miserable. How to promote
mutual understanding and happiness?
For comprehensive understanding, please access:-
c)
Parenting
Highlights of Four Posts
Salient aspects of quality parenting are summarized
seriatim:
1)
Point
No 1 . Values through life style.
2)
Point
No 2. Healthy Relationship thru Trust, Respect,
Understanding & Transparency.
| ILL-EQUIPPED PARENTING |
4)
Point No 4. Self Esteem—No labeling like तुमसे कुछ नहीं होगा, बुद्दू. Comments/ criticism
like shy, lacks confidence, लड़के के जगह लरकी हो गई; comparison with others; partiality;
abusive
treatment/language.
5)
Point
No 5. Restrictions;
explain reasons logically—don’t talk to girls/boys, Talk but within limits w/o
explaining it, Drugs/drinking are bad; Too many 'don'ts' for girls.
6)
Point No 6 Avoid Stress
of Competition—Studies, marks, choice of subjects & career.
7)
Point No 7. Be Friend-cum-Parents NOT
vice versa—to develop understanding listen without advising; learn to shut-up
8)
Point No 8. Be sensitive to Consequences—Empty
love tank leads to wrong/extreme choices like self harm, suicide, violence, substance
abuse, premarital sex and so on.
Analysis of Episode 1
Full marks to the parents of Usha for allowing birth of
two daughters contrary to traditional
son-centric bias. It deserves special
appreciation, as they did so stepping out of societal conditioning.
Silver
Lining. Similarly, as
products of own choices, parents also have the wisdom to learn and practice 'Quality Parenting'. Whosoever chooses to do
that paradigm shift would initiate beginning of a historical chapter!!
Behavior Model
Usual practice of dealing with behavior by shouting or
naming/shaming or restrictions would be momentary and counterproductive. Behavior
flows out of Attitude; To Understand Behavior, Understand Attitude; to
Understand Attitude, Listen attentively without advice.
Traditional parents think, they are the best protectors.
Fact—Usha is her best protector and advisor as she knows herself best. Refers to Road Map of Life
Situation
of Usha
Why is Usha determined to commit suicide having attempted it once earlier?
To understand, let us listen to her:
Her Emotional Struggles
1)
I do not want to live. My parents do
not love me. They constantly criticize—तुम से हमें कोई ऊमीद नहीं है।
2)
Colleagues have
spread rumors…. become a laughing stock. ….reputation …..tarnished unfairly.
3)
Someone….informed
Mom…. Trust factor has nose-dived…. drawn conclusions without listening to
me.
4)
Feeling extremely
depressed. Have nothing to live for.
5)
Since two years or so I have been
sad. Comparison with others is
unbearably painful.
6)
Few months back I crossed over the
railing on first floor roof of our house to commit suicide. Just then Dad
appeared and pulled me back. Dressing down followed.
7)
Am closest to my sister, 2½ yr old. She
may not be able to talk but she understands me best. I love playing with
her.
Correlating with salient points stated
already, striking inadequacies are—unhealthy relationship due to trust
deficit; parents have drawn conclusions based on questionable inputs from students;
need to listen to understand her situation; labeling; criticizing; unhealthy sexuality of parents, teachers and peers
of Usha; Peers are also products of faulty
parenting. Love tank of everyone is empty.
Conclusion
Almost all are feelings-driven in making choices. Losers' choice for sure. By making the powerful choice to seek emotional support on helpline, Usha deserves compliments for breaking out of the mould to improve her Emotional
Quotient (EQ).
Episode 2 regarding struggles of 22 year old young
lady Karen (name changed) shall follow.
To Be Contd........
No comments:
Post a Comment