Prologue
According to Carl R Rogers,
1902–1987, Founder Non Directive Counselling
(NDC) —‘sufficient
means of solving a person’s problem are present within the person himself’. In other
words, each one is his/her best adviser/counselor. This inference is
strengthened by the Fundamental Principle—
One Knows
Him/Herself Best, is His/Her Best Protector & Adviser
Logically therefore
the two words 'Counselor' and 'Counselee' should, more appropriately, be
substituted as 'Facilitator' and 'Help Seeker' (HS). The stated rationale sets
out two Ground Rules (GR):
- GR 1. No Advice as it tantamount to taking charge of someone else's life
- GR 2. Facilitator to use 'Skills' to allow a HS to work out the best option from his/her perspective. A uniquely self-satisfying and empowering experience.
Accomplished
Facilitator 70/30 (AF)
AF is a selected
individual trained in Facilitation (NDC in popular parlance) primarily focused on experiential-learning through Games and Role
Plays. Format of the Training Schedule has evolved over years of hands-on
experience at DYC progressively incorporating the lessons learnt by our amazing team members. This inherently
dynamic training format is unique in that:
1.
As of now no such compendium is available globally. It is no exaggeration that even Google search to access any literature
remotely similar, may not be helpful
2.
Assimilation of multidimensional inputs
sourced from multiple sources. Please see the Model Synergized Listening
3.
Other than the guiding principles, the style
of Facilitation is individual-specific in sync with one's unique Frame of
Reference. For instance, unlike others, I have been upfront in addressing hormone-driven
feelings that majorly erode one's self-worth throughout life. To recap my
story:
'Carried
the burden of childhood abuse until 60
when I resolved to talk about it ignoring
looks of bewilderment. The powerful choice to share bottled-up emotions was
amazingly elevating. To be honest, that feel-good factor is inexpressible …..'
4.
Magical Effect on HS has generally been
transformational. It also strengthened intra and inter personal relationship. 'In
the words of few of my friends (Psychologist/Counselors)—application of academic
knowledge seldom worked as well as the technique of NDC that we learnt at DYC.'
5.
Striking
characteristic of an AF is his/her Circle of Influence that brings within its
fold anyone in emotional distress and finds it almost irresistible to share bottled-up
feelings. To illustrate:
Recently I was talking
with colleague's wife. A perceptive lady with enviable academic profile. At 73
she is still energetic and vibrant. Articulate and upfront on least-talked about
matters that always helped me learn how women think about taboo topics. No
sooner I alluded to my childhood abuse, her prompt response was—'Sushant I was
raped when six months old by domestic helper; a secret I am sharing for the
first time. I still remember the room and carpet on which it happened.' Seemed hugely
relieved after sharing.
Framework of the
Process
The process is
complex and challenging yet potential AF finds the format of hands-on
learning inspirational to learn more.
That's how I felt. Could never imagine empathetic listening could stir feelings
so intensely that a fun-loving and confident young lady, while narrating her
anger, simply burst into tears within minutes!!
Paradigm Shift. One crucial
aspect of the process is paradigm shift
thru two Levels of Awareness—Unconscious
Incompetence to Conscious Incompetence and then Conscious Incompetence to
Conscious Competence. See
Synergized Listening Skills
it is an art of
assimilating multidimensional inputs of Nuggets, encompassing Persona and Life Skills, comprising approximately 80
elements and counting assimilating new inputs.
The ultimate purpose is to develop and fine tune the skill for optimum
use of those elements during Facilitation Sessions.
Significance of
Feelings
To recall 'Feelings Cycle', Attitude-Behaviour flows out of the 'Quality
of Feelings'. Logically therefore, the concept revolves around Feelings in that
the fundamental purpose is to expand the comfort zone of a HS to share 'Feelings'
freely. That sets in motion the phenomenal process of Self Healing.
"Sharing thoughts & feelings was like talking to self and
discovering things" as described by IITian Deepak Bansal of his experience while dealing with
depression.
It is thru this self-healing
process that HS shifts gear from Feelings to Logic Based Thinking. Thus feels empowered to make choices based on clear
understanding of Rights& Wrongs. In that process HS feels
confident to snap the umbilical cord with AF and move on with life in line with
the ultimate purpose of NDC…
Blindfold Game
How to sensitize trainees with the nuances and sensitivity of Counseling,
more appropriately Facilitation, needed out-of-the-box-thinking to design the
methodology. In hindsight, the format conceptualized and structured in the form
of Blindfold Game has stood the test of time. As also experienced and endorsed by the participants
of Volunteers' Training Workshops held at DYC from time to time.
Obstacle
Course Layout
Set up a zig-zag obstacle course, having 10 to 12 obstacles, at a separate
place. Negotiating the obstacles would
need bending, twisting, lifting legs, stretching, moving sideways to cross narrow
passage and so on but no jumping.
Materials used were easily available such as ropes, clips, cushions, small/medium
size tables, chairs, benches, stools etc. Use
the principle of improvisation….
Playing
the Game
Participants were to pair up and decide the Leader and Follower between
them. Followers were taken to another location and Blindfolded. Leaders (L) were taken around the obstacle course from entry thru exit point and doubts
if any clarified. They joined the Blindfolded Follower (F) after briefing. Points covered
while briefing them separately:
Leaders
(L)
1.
To maintain
complete silence during the game. Not even whispers
2.
F to rest one hand on either of the shoulders of L. Touching any other part of the body is not permitted.
3.
L may communicate with F by tapping or pressing the hand on shoulder to move or stop or slow down
4.
Help F to walk thru the obstacle course safely.
5.
Pulling or pushing
prohibited
Followers (F)
1)
To maintain
complete silence during the game. Not even whispers
2)
F to rest one hand on either of the shoulders of L. Touching any other part of the body is not permitted.
3)
F may communicate with L by tapping or
pressing the hand on shoulder to move or stop or slow down
4)
Should the
blindfold be or become loose, please own up for tightening it. Peeping or
cheating would defeat the purpose.
5)
Pulling or pushing
prohibited
Pictorial
Model
With kind courtesy Kunal Vishisht, member DYC Core Group, reproduced are
few pictures of participants in Blindfold Game:
Discourse/Feedback
During the game moderators kept
close watch and recorded the behaviour of participants—Such as struggles, nervousness,
comfort level, difficulties in negotiating obstacles, movement speed and so on.
Questions
(Q). To keep the discussion contextual, appropriate questions
were framed:
Q1—How did you feel before,
during and after the game?
Q2—Between the Leader (L) and Follower (F), who set the pace
and controlled the speed?
Q3—Few Followers struggled to negotiate even minor obstacles. Reasons?
Q4—How is this game relevant in
context of Facilitation (NDC)?
Feedback Highlights
Question1. Recalling Feelings during the three stages, generally similar words
were stated by both—Fear; Nervous; Curious;
Confused; Apprehensions; Anxious; Responsible; Concerned; Frustrating; Impatient; Relieved; Achievement.
Question 2. Initial response was Leader. As discussion progressed all conceded that
initially the pace was set by the Follower. Being blindfolded it took time for Followers to repose trust/confidence to keep
pace with the Leader
Question 3. Reason would be clear If we put
ourselves into the shoes of someone (Internal Frame of Reference) who is blindfolded.
Fear of the unknown increases apprehensions. Negotiating a simple obstacle like
'pillow' could be huge. Herein Comfort level of Follower depends on Skills
of the Leader to instill trust & Mutual Understanding. No sooner that
happens, Followers come-on-board promptly to negotiate the obstacles as guided.
Question 4
The process of Facilitation Session
is similar to the experiences during Blindfold Game. To elucidate:
1)
At start of the session,
like Blindfolded Follower (F) Help Seeker (HS) too is loaded with similar
feelings (Fears; Confusion; nervousness….). Those feelings churning within cloud cogent
thinking due to layers of apprehensions.
2)
Before start of the
Game, obstacles are erected externally by Facilitators. In real life sessions hurdles
are formed internally by the HS, complexity of which depends upon the imaginative power of HS. To illustrate:
Maya (name changed), Class 11, was on the
verge of nervous breakdown when the session started. She was overly distressed
with boyfriend's insistence for sex as birthday gift. Read episode 2
3)
If we substitute
the Leader (L) with Accomplished Facilitator (AF) and Follower with Help Seeker (HS), similarity in dynamics of the two activities
would crystallize as you read on
4)
Interplay of the
stated feelings lowers self esteem/confidence and in turn muddles thinking—'I
do not know how/where to start' is often stated. Also due to upsurge of emotions, sobbing/crying either at the beginning or
during the session is normal.
5)
AF like Leader (L),
needs to be sensitive to the hyper-sensibilities of HS during the initial stage
of the session. In both cases, one needs to go by eye or play by the ear.
6)
As Feelings highjack
logic, its effect could render, an otherwise healthy individual, a disoriented zombie,
weighed down by entwined cobwebs of emotions!!
7)
Striking similarity
is the three stages in which the session progresses. Initially, the pace of
progress is set by the Follower/HS. As comfort level expands, both the
Leader/AF and Follower/HS walk together. In the third stage, F/HS feel
confident and empowered to move on with life independently. Celebration time
for both Accomplished Facilitator as well as Help Seeker. Euphoric
moment….
Lessons Learnt
The journey from Conscious
Incompetence to Conscious Competence, though unachievable in life, is excitingly challenging. An Accomplished
Facilitator needs to remain on life-long learning curve for assimilation
of multidimensional inputs sourced from multiple sources. Thus updating the Profile of AF and retrieve the relevant 'nuggets' when needed. To elaborate, perception
of being a masochist changed when Karen (Episode 2) heard the narrative of …..
Gentleman Cadet Indian Military Academy in whom the attitudinal change was transformational....
Application of skills during a session will be covered in
the next post by way of Model Facilitation/Non-Directive Counseling
To
Be Contd……
