LIFE THROUGH THE EYES OF MY HELPER PART II

Childhood Memories

Guddy caries mixed feelings of her childhood. Untimely death of alcoholic Dad evokes hazy memories of a passing event. Recalls care-free and playful childhood under the watchful eye of young widowed mother struggling to make both ends meet.  She was often saddened to perceive preferential treatment to brother—initiation of chauvinistic male mindset. .  

            Silver lining was a guy next door for his caring nature. Though wealthy and older he treated her with dignity and never crossed the line.   Those special moments were muddied almost two years back. Alienation had set-in taking care of his ailing wife. Meanwhile, Guddy’s husband expired leaving behind huge financial burden.  Perhaps tempted by her predicament and suppressed desires, his daring overture abruptly ended fond memories of that unique relationship nurtured over decades.  Unthinkable breach of trust had shaken her to the core. Charged with emotions flowing she narrated his disrespectful and inexcusable conduct. No wonder platonic relationship has very few takers!
  

Mom’s Remarriage

At 5 Guddy witnessed attempt of molestation on Mom and her powerful response. She was big built and strong to drag the drunken molester to police station  singlehandedly and that too at night.  Confident handling of that situation etched an inspiring  benchmark. 

Widowed early with two children, she was much too young and desirable to feel secure.  Financial insecurity  enhanced  vulnerability as well as that of her innocent daughter.  Roving eyes and lecherous designs of pedophile Tayaji needed firm intervention 

Surrounded by hawks and constant needling of Nani, Mom remarried a relationship-centric widower. Another plus point was his secure pensionable job. Doting   step Dad made life-long impression.   Those happy days did not last long due to Nani’s  ill-conceived agenda.  She had planned to use her  Granddaughter to generate income as domestic worker.  Meanwhile whirlpool of family intrigues hijacked her plans.   

Childhood Violated  

Intra family politics and vested interests influenced Mom to marry 13 year old Guddy to late Ram Singh twice her age on promise that he would not be physical until 16 at least.  He was an accomplished cutter and tailor with enviable earning. Prospective mother-in-law too was all sugar and honey in her commitment to take good care of Bahu. It seems her nymphomaniac elder sister-in-law was the main schemer as this arrangement would allow legitimacy to her intimacy  with Ram Singh. 

Dream of Raja Ram Mohan Roy and his struggle to break the anti-women tradition of child marriage, particularly,  in Independent India was shattered. One more childhood was ruthlessly interrupted.  Marriage was solemnized with usual fanfare paving the treacherous path of pitiless subjugation.  What more could be expected from in-laws notorious for alcoholism, promiscuous life, domestic violence to mention few  predominant characteristics.  Ironically, hypocritical society while condemning such act in public forum never take preventive action within the confines of own family or locality. Specious plea of male-dominated tradition invariably overrides sanity!

Like most Indian mothers, she was primed to serve and satisfy the needs of in-laws, howsoever unreasonable,   without complaining or whining.  It was also made amply clear  not to expect any support from home alluding to an age-old saying—‘Indian Bahu leaves Sasural only once in her life time; On Death’!   How this unjust tradition  evolved in the land that revered women power and ‘vedantic’  logic is beyond comprehension! 

Guddy’s agony started  from day one—thanks to unsparing demands from all and sundry headed by alcoholic and  foul-mouthed Sassuji (Mom-in-Law).  No one cared that this little girl was too naïve and ill-equipped to perform domestic chores like cooking with firewood, clean cattle shed,  feed and milk cows and so on.  Mercifully,  Sasurji (Father-in-Law), though feared by all,  groomed her with utmost patience; even taught her to light fire and cook chapati!   

Calculative and miserly Sassuji seldom allowed Guddi to eat well.  Daily routine was far too rigorous and demanding for an underfed teenager.  Confrontations were frequent leading to Sasuma chasing undergarment-clad Bahu seeking shelter in the locality.  She survived due to  kindness of some compassionate neighbors. Few living senior citizens still recall her horrifying days as Bahu and then as Patni of an alcoholic and  vicious wife-beater.  

Marital Rape Flawed Politics

This oft-repeated diabolical issue hit headlines when, post Nirbhaya incident, justice JS Verma Commission, comprising eminent legal luminaries including a lady, strongly recommended criminalization of marital rape. It was summarily rejected by UPA ‘Think-tank’—“If marital rape is brought under the law, the entire family system will be under great stress.” Intriguingly INC Chairperson Sonia Gandhi maintained stoic silence!  Our parochial lawmakers including women succumbed ungrudgingly joining the Conspiracy of Silence, hallmark of power politics.  

The issue came up again in parliament recently. To quote one minister’s insensitive howler  “…..concept of marital rape, as understood internationally, cannot be suitably applied in the Indian context”.  Reading this made me wonder how rooted are  our lawmakers  on ground realities!  No credible statistics exist  to support that stand.   To a layman, it contravenes the basic right to equality and justice enshrined in  the Constitution. 

Reality Check.  Based on 15 years experience listening to women and men of substance, I am convinced public representatives need to ascertain ground realities first instead of drawing laughable inferences. Please read. 

Marital Rape—Guddy 

Her story portrays harrowing experiences of rape compounded by extreme form of domestic and sexual violence for decades until she resolved  ‘enough was enough’.  It took  her  over 20 years to do so with the support of her four children.

Contrary to assurances,  alcoholism and hormonal pressures were too lustful for Ram Singh to resist raping his innocent 13 year old wife.  Shrieks of unbearable pain and shock had no effect either on family members or sex-starved husband. Due to misplaced legitimacy of conjugal right, neighbors did not intervene.  Ironically, they even prod wives to reconcile—‘after all he is your husband.’  What a travesty of relationship perceived as sacrosanct!   

After-effects of that monstrous assault—ruptured vagina up to anal passage  needed major surgical procedure and extended hospitalization.  Yet that criminal assaulter enjoyed  protection under matrimonial  laws. Thereby giving him license for repeat performance.  Consequence—premature conception and delivery of baby girl at 14. Does this justify the   ‘mindset of the society to treat marriage as a sacrament’? 

Sacrament or Sacrilege.  ‘Modi Government’s Reasons Why Marital Rape Is Not a Crime’ tantamount to audacious sacrilege!!  

            Inspiring Survivor.  That gruesome episode was the beginning of never-ending inhuman  acts of unbearable torture; almost akin to Auschwitz  Concentration Camp!  I salute her admirable tenacity to live through the ordeal and raising her flock (three daughters and a son) with uncompromising dignity. 

                                                                                                     To be Contd---