LIFE SKILLS SERIAL 3 POWER OF CHOICE PART I

Preamble

‘Be the Change You Wish to See’ is a popular quote adored by all but acted upon by few. Those who did made historical contribution for a better world be it Socrates, Abraham Lincoln, Raja Ram Mohan Roy, Swami Vivekananda, Netaji Subhash Chandra Bose, Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, Mother Teresa, little known Roza Park, lady who ignited the  Civil Rights Movement in USA and inspired Martin Luther King Jr to name few. 

Posterity, as beneficiaries, has mastered the art of erecting gigantic monuments with public money.  Political interest overrides public interest ignoring the most crucial component of democracy—‘By the People’! Ironically, focus is on celebrating events as against emulating/replicating Life Style/Purpose of Life! Symbolism has replaced substance befooling aam admi!!   Why is it so? No prizes for guessing—lack of principle-centered leadership to include government and public servants.

Amidst chaos and conflicts, serendipitous glimpses of silver-lining reinforce my belief in Character Driven Power of Choice and future of mankind. Four recent episodes gladdened my heart.    

EPISODE 1

CHOICE OF A 12 YEAR OLD

In line with my passion to empower youth, I initiated interaction  with two grandchildren of my helper few months ago. Son Sujal  is 12 and daughter Sejal 9. Their Mom shed shyness to attend, laudable choice for an unlettered conservative lady.

Despite interruptions we were able to exchange thoughts in less than 10 sessions of one hour each.  Their profound perspectives laced with innocence were welcome challenge for me. Friendly environment encouraged them to ask real life questions—‘what is rape’. When I inquired whether they could ask parents agreed to do so and he did it the same day.  Despite parents discomfort he is encouraging them to open up. Wonderful dynamics of quality relationship in action!

9 August 2015

The day started on an exciting note listening to my helper (Guddy) narrating Sujal’s powerful choice to seek justice in school the previous day. Summary of the storyline in his words to family members on return from school:—

“While checking my homework, teacher was not satisfied. She caned me in front of the class insensitive to my pain and embarrassment. Injustice of it pained me more to tell her: ‘Madam you hit me for not doing my work properly. But this chapter has not been taught to us. Then how do you expect me to answer? You also need to do your job properly instead of spending time talking on phone. Unless you help us to learn, then who would? Teacher appreciated my forthrightness and saluted me. The class broke into applause clapping. To her question how did I learn to talk like this I said: Colonel Uncle where my Dadi works as helper”.

Turning to Mom & Dad, he said—“Both of you need to change your attitude too to instill in us good ‘sanskars’ (values). Mom you beat us without listening to us. It hurts. Both of you need to respond to our questions. Answer to ‘rape’ is pending.  Only after knowing the answer, we will go to Col Uncle”.

Impressed over-hearing the conversation, his grand aunt came over. Complimenting, she wished her children could emulate him. Sujal’s perceptive and straight response—“How can they when both you and alcoholic grand uncle neglect your children. He even orders sons to fetch alcohol. You remain away for days. Unless you mend ways, how do you expect them to improve? Can you emulate the inspiring life style of my Dadi? You will see the change if you do”.  Grand aunt was dumbfounded.

Palpable and strong indicators signify he is on track to mature in to a man of substance. The journey has begun. Wish I could live to see him in action!  

        

EPISODE 2

EMERGING STRONGER

Transformational journey of Anahita started in Sep 2014. Walking along with her allowed me unique opportunity to see her  dormant potential blossoming, in fact exploding. Seldom have I witnessed a teenager of 17 demolish traditional and cultural barriers so powerfully and speedily, leaving behind intense scars of sexual abuse. She had no inhibitions in revealing her identity  while uploading her three blogs (For links please see my post Life Skills serial 2 Happiness Part II).  Wonder, how many can do that!

Kudos to her too for offloading the garbage can brimming with loads of negative feelings, hurts and the burden of guilt—for making bad choices, dealing with festering wounds within!  

Foot Prints of Choices

At 17 she was fired with passion to discover her Purpose of Life and open NGO or be a ‘Walking NGO’ to spread awareness and prevention against sexual abuse.  

Am tad envious, as I discovered mine at 60.  Yet better than almost all because no one ever pauses to think about such a crucial aspect of life!

Her obsession to do something concrete provided opportunity for her to conduct workshop in an orphanage at Dehradun attended by well over 20. Her sessions were well appreciated in that Management of another orphanage requested her to conduct one there. She was unable to do so as she had to join college at NOIDA. 

At NOIDA

  Anahita has also resolved to be of support to her colleagues, whenever or wherever, as an accomplished peer educator. Unlike her, youth as well as adults have been conditioned to lead life on perceptions without ascertaining facts. Warped understanding of success has worsened matters. To blame youth without  empowering them from childhood may be convenient but unfair. It serves no useful purpose in bringing about quality change in life, individually or collectively.    

Class Discussion

As expected opportunities have started unfolding. Few days back she called up and shared the ‘happening’ of that day. To recap her narrative:-

“Class strength is 25 boys and 5 girls. Most of us are strangers having spent less than 10 days together. Topic of discussion was ‘Women Get It Easy’.  Spirit of discussion was lost in animated debate. Guys were unanimous in saying yes and the girls despite the disadvantage of strength  disagreed vehemently. Interaction, to my discomfort, had turned acrimonious and was leading nowhere.

I stood up urging them to listen. I said it may not be reasonable to compare apples and oranges. They are similar but not same.  Each has its relevance. As different genders we have our own challenges about which we may not be fully aware.  For instance, I have been a victim of sexual abuse and had to deal with it on my own. Males may not be fully aware of  the pain and hurt.

Similarly, I know of a trainee officer at Indian Military Academy who had to deal with scars of sexual abuse until he shared it with someone who listened empathetically. He was able to do so few days before the graduation Ceremony.  He suffered emotionally as his teenage friends were too insensitive to understand what he was going thru. Boys too listened with rapt attention.

When I concluded there was loud applause. One girl walked up complimented my courage and confessed she was a victim too. Later a boy sent me a SMS saying—‘I respect you’.   I felt wonderful and more empowered”. 

My Thoughts

Listening to her made me feel exceptionally enriched. Flooded with serotonin, I visualized these young men and women discussing many real life issues in presence of Anahita. I would like to believe they graduate as empowered individuals with Healthy Sexuality. 

Hope there is cascading effect for beginning of happy families/society thru  the ‘Super 30 Change Makers’.   Insha’Allah.   

Next two episodes would be covered in next part—Ethical Life Style and Quality Nurturing.

                                                                                                   To Be Contd……