Power of Response: Overview
USP of Self Help
Books. Power of choice has been the central theme of
all Self-Help Books. One was the top-selling personality development book ‘The
Monk Who Sold His Ferrari’. Water-shed moment of paradigm shift from bad to
good choices was when the exceptionally high caliber lawyer ‘Julian collapsed from heart attack while arguing a case in Court Room’. Lesson—one need not wait for a crisis to
take charge of life!
Anahita Batra, Pain
to Power
Closer
home I was amazed to witness this 17 year old evolve into a teenager of
substance. With power of choice in full
flow, she achieved the unachievable within a short span!
Childhood
innocence rendered her vulnerable to repeated sexual abuse. Ill-equipped
parents were too trusting to keep at bay the prowling predators (close
relatives) enjoying the status of ‘respectful elders’. What a mockery of Indian
culture! Traumatic experience with boy friend at 15 devastated her. Her radical change in response mode from ‘Loser’
to ‘Winner’ brought about the miraculous transformation—despair to ecstasy. To
read more please access her blog links:
Losers’ Response
Few
but significant real life instances of bad choice (losers’ response) may help
better understanding.
General
Bullying,
Ragging; Kidnapping & Ransom; Eve Teasing; Sexual Abuse; Teenage Pregnancy;
Rape; Road Rage; Infanticide; India is world leader in Suicides; Corruption; Violence
Against Women; Marital Discord; Domestic Violence; Parenting Blues; Substance
Abuse; Promiscuous Culture; Selfish Attitude, Cheating, Abusing, Lying to name some.
Dehradun
Class
7 students of two premier schools came to class with alcohol bottles; Class XII
Boy and Girl of a reputed school eloped after school; 18 year old boy from
middle class family got drunk and slept with prostitute. He was overly distressed apprehending HIV
infection; 15 year old girl was rattled as boy friend demanded sex as birthday
gift.
National
International
2011, Dominique Strauss-Kahn (DSK), France, MD IMF for 4 years,
Presidential Designate until his arrest for alleged sexual assault in USA. Jul
2013 charged for pimping; April, 16, 2015, San Francisco,
USA. 22 year old Indian, most popular analyst
at Goldman Sachs, called up Dad to say “It is too much. I have not slept for
two days”. Later on same day he was found dead next to his apartment over-stressed; London 17 Mar 2015 Three UK judges sacked over
allegedly viewing porn at work; 18 Jun 2014 Washington USA Rajat Gupta, 65, IIT
& Harvard alumnus, ex CEO McKenzie, two years’ jail for unethical conduct.
Abysmal fall of a corporate giant; Jun 2014 Washington, US school doling
out condoms to sixth graders.
Choices & Consequences
To
state the obvious, yet not so obvious to most of us, every choice has
consequences, positive/negative and short/long term. It is like picking up a stick; one end is
Choices and the other Consequences.
Everyone invariably regrets after reacting to
a stimulus (situation) while dealing with concomitant consequences. To
illustrate, one 16 year old boy, a porn buff, sodomized and killed one young
boy in the locality. In jail he was intensely remorseful sharing feelings with
his well wisher. How to react needs no
skill building. It comes to us naturally having perfected the art practicing
since childhood replicating others.
One
time-tested fact—when feelings surge logic is high-jacked!
Linked
question: Are We a Product of Choices or Something Else Like
Conditioning, DNA, Environment and so on? Environment could encompass—family,
people, school & media
Are We Product of Choices or Something
Else?
Clarity
on the question would empower us to make better choices and be accountable for
it. I do not think blame game is helpful. No one likes anyone else to take charge of or control his/her life irrespective of age.
It
is true that DNA have bearing on one’s physical features but with no effect on
thinking—free mind is the greatest gift to humans! How to use it is our choice.
I recall perspective of one member of Doon Youth Center (DYC) fraternity after
years of experience and learning—‘I have finally realized I am accountable for
my choices without blaming others. This has helped me grow feeling more empowered and
satisfied’.
True Episode 01
August 2015. My
charming young friend, a qualified doctor, has enviable profile of academic
excellence. Loaded with emotional
baggage (insecurities, low self esteem, craving for attention &
appreciation), remote control of her life has been with others. As a result she feels her personal and
professional life is out of sync. Deteriorating health has added to her woes. Finally, convinced of the need for paradigm
shift and mode of response (LOSER to WINNER), she resolved to step out of the
self-woven emotional web! Having made
that resolution, she felt relaxed and empowered
Learning from Above Instances.
Contrary to general perception, we are products of own
choices irrespective of Upbringing
or Environment or Situation or Compulsions! This fact needs to be
processed individually for assimilation beyond doubt—pre-requisite for joyful life.
Demonstration of Paradigm Shift & Power
of Response
To
recap, Happiness Part I concluded with a Real Life Poser:
‘Within
few months of marriage, wife was bed-ridden with serious ailment needing long
term treatment and care. Anti Mother-in-Law planned to eliminate her. Denying
breakfast when son left home for work was a convenient option. Under-fed and
confused she was unable to think of any solution without causing rift and
unpleasantness. Evidently her Happiness Quotient had nose-dived. She approached me for solution thru
email’.
As
facilitator trained and experienced in non-directive counseling, my focus was
to empower her to decide. Apparently, blinded by cobwebs of emotions, her logic
had been hijacked.
Three
Primary Questions. I
challenged her to rethink logically and recall answer to three fundamental
questions of life—1) Who knows you best 2) Who is your best protector 3) Who is
your best advisor. Gleefully she replied: “MYSELF”. Thereby, enabling
her to realign thoughts to take decision compatible with the family
environment. My caustic comment “What will you do if I am not on the planet?”
re-jigged her power of quality thinking/response.
Within
24 hours she reverted with ‘Winners’ Response’—‘Sushant, problem solved. While
having dinner yesterday I suggested to my husband: “tomorrow onwards we will
have breakfast together”.
Once
again I was reassured of distinctiveness of individuals to find matchless
solutions to retain their Comfort Zone!
Life Skills: Searching Questions on Happiness
1) 1) What
could be the identifiable factors and practical guidelines that empower
individuals
to be on WIN-WIN Response Mode?
2) How
to develop the Skill?
3) Will
the Skill imbue happiness?
1)
brilliant one Sushant, I really liked the quote you have chosen as a display pic for this blog.
ReplyDeleteI shall ponder over the questions you have asked at the end of your blog and revert back soon. :)
regards,
Harshit
Great article
ReplyDelete