ADOLESCENT SEXUAL HEALTH (ASH)
Preamble
ASH
program has evolved over 15 years based on hands on experience interacting with
adolescents, parents, teachers and others.
Herein lies its uniqueness as nothing has been stated based on
assumptions or invalidated perception.
Overview
Before
writing on this culturally sensitive topic, I pondered over inputs from few of
my genuine well wishers that I have predilection to dwell on sexuality. I
needed to evaluate the same in context of feedbacks:-
·
Students. While
discussing structuring of role play for parents on birds & bees with class 7/8 students, it
transpired that parents never used words like porn, masturbation. Hence they
were hesitant to do so in the skit
·
Counselees.
Pushed into sharing intimate details, both males & females felt better after
the session.
In the
ultimate analysis, I have been forthright in using words as over-cautiousness would be contrary to transparency, prerequisite
for healthy sexuality.
"The
more it (sex) is concealed, the more we (teenagers) want to know” is the predominant
thought with which children grow up. They
are curious to explore and learn. Designed in that manner kids never hesitate
to ask questions as they are too innocent to discern the difference between
safe and embarrassing query! ‘How was I
born’ is a question that parents still struggle to answer. This natural curiosity
is seldom encouraged while dealing with sexuality—‘Taboo Topic’ in popular
parlance.
I distinctly remember how I struggled with this least discussable issue despite uncomfortable yet pleasurable experiences from early childhood. Intermittent episodes with neighbors, cousins, school-mates rattled me so degradingly that I was unable to interact with women comfortably well into my adulthood.
Intensity of erotic thoughts and curiosity got compounded witnessing birds and bees mating. In fact, I was not alone in surreptitiously observing such situations. In one such situation, the grandmother responded to inquisitiveness of her 8-year-old great granddaughter thus—“darling dogs are just playing, you come back here”! I wonder how helpful it was for the girl. As for me, such a response would have created more confusion/curiosity for sure.
The situation is no different for others of my ilk as well as subsequent generations. To say that the environment has degenerated would be an understatement! But for my clear understanding & internalization of ethics, I would have succumbed to temptations with lifelong regrets. Abstinence from alcohol including cider, as I recall, was the saving grace. Wish I had the much-needed support of well-equipped parents, teachers and adults!
Moot point is, under the professed misconception of ‘Indian Culture’, is it fair to allow a child to drift rudderless along the stormy stream of sexuality? Consequences are right on our face—abominable misconduct of hydra-headed sexual monsters on the prowl; disconcerting rise in ghastly sexual offences including incest, sexual abuse, rape, infidelity and infanticide.
Despite the public/official outcry on Nirbhaya episode (16th Dec 2012) women continue to be as vulnerable. Another working woman raped days before the second anniversary. Once again the perfunctory outcry is on in full fury to fizzle out soon. Surely the accused was not born rapist!! Who is responsible for his transformation into a habitual rapist?
Lesson—nothing can substitute parenting/mentoring modeling healthy sexuality!
Harsh
Vardhan Howler June 2014.
Comments of the Health Minister “Emphasize fidelity more than condom
usage…. So-called 'sex education' to be banned. Yoga to be made compulsory”
generated unending controversies. It may not be ill-intentioned, but his
archaic perception has drawn flak. It has once again highlighted the need for a
paradigm shift in designing training program to equip youth with healthy
sexuality.
What
is Healthy Sexuality?
The totality of being a male or female, Ethically, Emotionally, Mentally, Relationally, Spiritually & Physically. This crucial understanding needs comprehensive assimilation individually.
Quality of conditioning on those six factors determines healthy or unhealthy sexuality. As children learn what they perceive, attitude of parents open to friendly interaction, is of utmost importance.
To sum up, Healthy Sexuality does not mean absence of disease or libido.
Adolescent Phase
Children
grow up bombarded with sexuality inputs through print & visual media 24/7.
Internet allows unrestricted access with click of a button. Visuals through advertisements generate
curiosity and titillation. Questions on condom, sanitary napkins, HIV/AIDS, soft
porn remain unanswered.
Mention
of the three-letter word ‘SEX’ invariably stirs bashful giggles and discomfort
due to ‘gandibaat’ syndrome. Almost all children hit puberty with that
warped understanding—asking questions on ‘Reproductive System’ is prohibited!
‘Gandibaat’
(Bad Thing) Syndrome. That is the understanding with which almost
everyone grows up, though each one is a product of sexuality. Parents have
always occupied special place of reverence for a child. This traditional &
honorific belief has been ingrained over generations. Then how can it be a
‘gandibaat’ (bad thing)?
Structure
of the human body is amazing. Every cell and system in the body has specific function
and accepted as ‘Achhibaat’ (good thing).
Then why should any discussion on the ‘Reproductive System’ be trashed
as ‘Gandibaat’(bad thing)? It seems illogical to surmise that all systems in
human body are good except the Reproductive System! Fact is transparent interaction
to include choices and consequences facilitates learning of healthy
sexuality.
Most
parents suffer from misplaced fear that any
discussion would create curiosity in youth to experiment. To cite recent input
from author Ira Trivedi
in outlook “…..premarital sex in urban areas is on rise and is currently at an
estimated 75 per cent in the 18-24 age bracket”
Consequences of Silence
a)
Ever increasing incidents of sexual
misdemeanors—premarital sex, rape, sexual violence against women irrespective
of age and so on.
b)
Children neither ask nor share experiences on
‘Taboo’ topic. Ill-equipped to protect, they remain vulnerable to sexual
abuse.
c)
Those abused suffer in silence as they are
unable to talk with parents. Reasons
narrated—Mom would not believe; I may be blamed for it; to prevent bitterness
in relationship.
d)
Post abuse baggage—hatred towards males; will
I be able to conceive; extreme guilt and
low self esteem.
e)
Male perceive women as sex objects leading to
grotesque behavior.
f)
Suffer
from confusion and complexes dealing with dynamics of hormonal changes—menstruation,
masturbation, nocturnal emission, curiosity about each other’s reproductive
system and so on.
g)
Seek answers from unfiltered sources like friends, internet, print and
visual media.
h)
Unfortunately many biology teachers, male or female, feel embarrassed
teaching reproductive system. This only compounds unhealthy attitude.
i)
Teenagers seek awareness thru internet. With
increasing penetration of PC density, access to porn at click of button is
available in bedrooms.
Ironically
all parents grow up experiencing the struggle of adolescence. Yet remain mute
spectators to the concerns of their own kids by wearing the Masks of Culture,
‘Gandibaat’ & Conservatism.
Benefits
of Openness
a)
Allowed
10 year old daughter to talk about blue films shown after school by
school mate at her house. Thus enabling
Mom to talk to both daughters (second one age 6) about porn as well as
homosexuality. Mom narrated the episode
in presence of the girls who were quite comfortable listening
b)
Few sample questions by less than 12 year old
children to parents—why people kiss; what is fuck; what is rape; what is
sperm?
c)
One girl in early twenties shared having been
raped by grandfather when 5. Thus her fear of HIV/AIDS infection could be
addressed.
d)
A 28 year old
boy was able to share having been sodomized by a priest at age of
8. It majorly disturbed his sexual
orientation.
e)
Boys of Class 10 could ask and discuss openly
in Life Skills Class an age-related question—what was wrong in having physical
relationship with a willing partner?
f)
Class 11 students could ask question on
homosexuality in a co-ed environment. Even girls did not hesitate to seek
clarifications.
g)
In class 8 of 40 girls one girl had no
hesitation in asking the male facilitator—girls have periods; what happens to
boys? Curiosity was satisfied as they listened attentively to the process of
ejaculation.
h)
Unmarried girl in twenties could discuss
whether anal sex after marriage was OK.
i)
Group
Discussion (GD) in a healthy co-ed environment on inconvenient topics as
decided by youth. Such as pornography, sexual urge, homosexuality, HIV/AIDS,
boy/girl relationship, infatuation, live in relationship and so on. Participants
included adults with requisite
experience and knowledge to moderate the GDs
Onset
of unmanaged hormonal pressures
overwhelm young minds rendering them vulnerable. Wrong choices made remain secret until the
consequences surface in public domain. To
mention few such grave consequences—teenage boy returns home stone drunk, suicidal attempts by teenage girl raped at 16
by ‘rakhi bhaiyya’, a teenager’s intense fear of HIV after sex in drunken state
with a prostitute, Class 12 couple eloped.
It is at this irrepressible stage, when family ‘izzat’(honour) is at
stake that parents react aggressively
blaming the children and/or seek
support. In the process everyone is a loser including
the self-righteous custodians of Indian Culture.
Amir
Khan’s Satyameva Jayate serial on Sexual
Abuse has addressed the relevant issues with touching sensitivity as also the
two movies— ‘Monsoon Wedding’ & ‘Highway’.
To be contd……
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