Why
This Topic?
Her name is Guddi, amazing
women of virtue. Despite financial constraints, she steered her journey thru
adversities with uncompromising dignity warding off advances of lecherous
employers; ‘kothiwalas’ in her parlance.
Her unhesitant permission to write her memoirs amply demonstrates the strength
of her character. I salute her.
Preface
Until Dec 2009, when Didi expired,
management of domestic helpers was her domain.
In fact she did not encourage men folks to tread. I think she felt
insecure due to her mistrust in men per se.
What mattered most for her was family izzat. She was overly cautious due to the indiscretions of one of
us brothers.
Admittedly, I had very
little awareness about the struggles of a helper. In fact informal interactions with others
including youth revealed they were as clueless.
Perhaps, most lack compassion to step out of comfort zone to empathize
with those helping us to make our life comfortable. Of course they are paid employees but have no
right to demand justice. Outcome, arrogance and indifference towards work; frequent
confrontations! This I observed from childhood as the attrition rate was high though
much less than in other families.
Naukar/Naukrani/Kamwaali/Maid. Whatever be the genesis, these labels, I
think, are offensive and disrespectful as it affects self esteem. Helpers have
learnt to introduce themselves accordingly as expected of them. Seldom they are
addressed or treated respectfully. They are expected to sit on floor; sitting
on bed or sofa is unthinkable; served eatables/beverage in discarded utensils;
no hot water during winters and so on. Welcome sign—noticeable change in
attitude is slowly gaining acceptance.
Being bachelor my preference
was for male helper. The one from Nepal suddenly
disappeared after working wonderfully well for a month. Soon thereafter Guddi,
known to my good friend, joined based on his assurance of my credentials.
Recipe of mutual trust and
respect immensely helped in developing quality relationship. Empathy and compassion in responding to her
genuine domestic struggles progressively enhanced understanding and confidence
level. Loaded with emotional baggage for
years since her marriage at 13, she felt comfortable sharing her feelings
within a very short period. In retrospect, I think, I was able to provide her the
necessary emotional support, as a trained and reasonably experienced facilitator
in non-directive counseling.
My focus was to support her
to be empowered and take charge of her life instead of depending on me. Empathetic listening enhanced her comfort
level to share intimate details of her life openly. Initially she was
overwhelmed by emotions frequently with tears rolling down.
Interacting with her has
been a learning experience for me during the last five years listening to the
rough and tumble in the life of such simple and wonderful people of India.
Tongue and cheek comment: Seems
they are more educated and principled than the ‘haves’ with degrees and status lost in their acquisitions
of ‘toys’!
To be contd….
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