Foreword
Who
are These Faceless Rockstars?
On top of the list is Ken McRae, Founder, Doon Youth
Center (DYC). His endearing traits and disarming smile impacted me the moment I
entered DYC in April 2000—serendipitious moment indeed! Read. While working together on programs
for empowerment of youth, I saw him at his best. Principle-centered Spartan
life style and unmatchable commitment were his striking characteristics. Whatever
I learnt was from his 'Walk' not 'Talk'. Of course, we had our share of trying
moments addressing disagreements and finally agreeing to disagree on
Faith-Centric Issues…..!!
Ken
Effect: This blog is essentially narrative
of unconventional learning and hands-on experiences, while tagging along with
Ken. Whenever I sit down to write, I
envisage his presence!!!
Two
Moderators: September 2000 Workshop
Samir and Anupam, Volunteers
ex Samaritans International, were awesome moderators. The two day Workshop on
Non-Directive Counseling was an eye-opener. It was, in fact, humbling realizing
how little was my awareness at 60, regarding human emotions. Unfortunately,
emotional health is seldom discussed and understandably so for two reasons:—
- Cutthroat competition from as early as primary classes leaves no time to develop Emotional Quotient
- Adults, especially Parents & Teachers, are ill-equipped to facilitate substantive discussion without loaded advice!
Until the workshop, I was unaware
of my weaknesses; First Crucial Step of Learning—Unconscious Incompetence. After awareness, I climbed the Next
Vital Step—Conscious Incompetence.
This huge paradigm shift strengthened my resolve to achieve the Unachievable
Step in Counseling—Conscious Competence!!!
It took me nearly a year to
sit on the 'Hot Seat' as an Accomplished Facilitator 70/30.
The journey so far has been enriching and unpredictably challenging in that normal
greetings, 'hello/good morning', could turn into full-fledged session(s).
Blog contains narrative of
many such instances. Recently, simple
'Good Morning' from a stranger overloaded with emotions moved into session on
telephone for 45 minutes or so!!
To sum up, activity-centric
format of the workshop, including games and role plays, kept me engrossed learning
the techniques of Non-Directive Counseling with one underpinning—No Advice.
Doon
Youth Centre Popularly Known as DYC
In retrospect, I recall the
remarkable pace at which DYC transformed into a 'Happening Place', touching the
heart and mind of teenagers. It was aptly nicknamed 'Cool Place' where, boys as well as girls felt
comfortable and safe, discussing real life issues steered by well-equipped
volunteers. Non-threatening and non-judgmental environment expanded the comfort
level to be exceptionally transparent. High approval rating of the place by
parents and school authorities enhanced its credibility and popularity.
Unique
Learning Mechanism. Participants loved the
multi-dimensional quality learning thru five youth-centric-activities:
A1 Group Discussion
(GD).
A2 Flag
Ship Event: Saturday GD including Role Play had maximum attendance
A3 Theatre Workshop
A4 Games/Role Plays
A5 Pot Luck Get-Together
Bottom
Line. Conscious focus on empowerment, empathy and quality
relationship stirred feelings in that each one felt a unique sense of belonging
and unconditional love. Whosoever visited DYC even once reconnected after years
recalling 'those days". For instance:
17 July 2017. Vikas Gupta, made my day, when he called up after 16 years to share his dream about DYC. Now a media person, whose TV serial 'Gumrah' was popular among youth
Having attended few GDs, young Anita (name changed), married to an abusive husband, expressed her gratitude thus—'I realized my self-worth for the first time as people were listening to my perspective without interruption'
Secret of Happiness or to be
positive
A big thank
you once again to each and every one who has made huge difference in my life
since April 2000. Until final exit, my
wonderful journey of learning shall continue……..
17 July 2017. Vikas Gupta, made my day, when he called up after 16 years to share his dream about DYC. Now a media person, whose TV serial 'Gumrah' was popular among youth
What
Made DYC So Special?
Its ambience had magical feel-good
effect as one walked-in. Guidelines that
helped build rapport and congenial environment:
1. Not a Dating Centre; Smoking, Alcohol, Drugs & Profanities PROHIBITED
Often off-beat questions generated animated discussion.
One such interaction was on 'WHY IS RIGHT RIGHT AND WRONG WRONG'. Consensus
that emerged—Determinant factor is Consequences, Short/Long Term. Mega learning for me as well!!
2. Interactive form of discussion on issues chosen by
participants.
3.
Sharing perspectives without criticizing or advice.
4. Respect perspectives howsoever
controversial/extreme
5. No debate or तू-तू-मै-मै
6. Language no bar (Hindi/English).
7. Freedom to Seek Clarification. This helped better
understanding of difficult words/expressions.
For
instance, once while explaining dichotomy most of us fumbled. On another
occasion, the speaker had to explain his statement by enacting a role play.
This spiced up the discussion as well
8. Active listening without
distractions like offensive gestures or
chit-chat
9. Be real NOT right; unmask and
share your heart
10. Freedom to choose any topic
for discussion. To quote few—
Homosexuality
Suggested by Two College Girls; LGPT; Is
Masturbation An Expression of Sexual
Urge; Live In
Relationship; Euthanasia; Boy-Girl Relationship; God; HIV/AID
11. GD format included impromptu role plays and discussion thereafter. Superb performance by number of amateur artists on first appearance raised their self esteem
11. GD format included impromptu role plays and discussion thereafter. Superb performance by number of amateur artists on first appearance raised their self esteem
Benefits
1)
Participatory Discussion encouraged ownership of
perspectives/decisions
2)
Better understanding of values/principles
3)
Development of self-esteem and confidence
Having attended few GDs, young Anita (name changed), married to an abusive husband, expressed her gratitude thus—'I realized my self-worth for the first time as people were listening to my perspective without interruption'
4)
Increased awareness listening to different
perspectives. I have been the greatest beneficiary attending almost all GDs as
moderator
From a Head Girl:—
'After listening to different
perspectives today, I need to rethink regarding my understanding of euthanasia!!'
5)
Improved communication skills. Hindi speaking
students felt confident conversing in English
6)
Post GD informal discussion over refreshments aided building Rapport and Relationship. In the
process, those in need of emotional support felt comfortable to seek help from
the Facilitator of their choice.
'Ken's Cake' was always the most sought-after
refreshment item
7)
Noticeable transformation from Self-Doubting to Empowered
Individuals
8)
Career aspirants felt confident to face Interviews.
Feedbacks:
Sarika: 'To gain experience, I faced
three interviews and qualified in all having benefitted from attending the GDs
at DYC'
Saurav: 'All credit goes to DYC for my
selection in CISF'
Meghna: 'Earlier I felt shy talking to even a small group. GDs at DYC enhanced my
confidence. Now I can address gathering of any size'
Meghna: 'Earlier I felt shy talking to even a small group. GDs at DYC enhanced my
confidence. Now I can address gathering of any size'
Description
of DYC
Incidentally, Scott M Speck's
views on ideal environment for learning is apt description of DYC. Excerpt from
his book 'The Road Less Traveled and Beyond':-
"When groups are healthy, their individual members
are in an environment where they can
learn more effectively & efficiently about themselves & other people
than in any other place............"
Counselees
More Appropriately 'Help Seekers'
Counselee is 'someone
receiving counseling' meaning 'advice', which is contrary to the principles of
Non-Directive Counseling.
Fundamentally, no one can
advise a person better than that individual—essence of my learning over 17
years of hands-on experience; also reinforced by Deepak Bansal student of IIT sharing
experiential learning from 'depression' in this video clip:
Relevant points of the narrative:
1)
Not medical treatment
2)
Consulted counselor & psychiatrist
3)
What helped was self counseling, talking to parents, close friends/people, student counselors
& meditation
4)
Sharing thoughts & feelings was like talking to self
and discovering things.
5)
Introspection and decision making exercise
6)
Contrary to advice of others, Deepak decided to attend
Tokyo internship
I am more than convinced that 'Help Seekers' are exceptionally
powerful people. How many of us have the courage to talk about personal issues?
I could share mine (sexual abuse) only after 60, inspired
by the openness of teenagers in particular.
They shared without inhibition experiences relating to sensitive issues such as, Relationship Struggles, Attempted Rape,
Sexual Abuse Male ; Female
Masturbation, Masochism
(episode 2), Premarital Sex, Oral Sex, Marriage Blues and
so on.
How can I ever thank
the Help Seekers enough for educating me so flawlessly the nuances of real world?
Stephen
Covey: Seven Habits of Highly Effective People
An exceptionally well-written book on human behavior and emotions based on extensive research. His
insightful and pragmatic analysis on Principle-Centered Life Style and How to Respond
to Situations were very helpful.
'Habit 1 Be Proactive'
logically explains How and Why to 'Be Positive', a popular
phrase used but with no understanding of 'How'!
The more I read and practiced, the more I understood the finer aspects and
power of Proactive Response. Time-tested technique for strengthening intra and
inter personal relationships!
To practice Habit I, one
needs to process & assimilate three fundamental concepts of life:
Concept II. No one can prevent or control occurrence of
situations
Concept III. Response-ability only. In other words, each one has only
the ability to respond to situation(s), either Reactively or Proactively.
the ability to respond to situation(s), either Reactively or Proactively.
is to think and respond proactively
M
Scott Peck (1936-2005): The Road Less Traveled
Excerpt from the book—"A therapist’s ability
bears very little relationship to any credentials he/she might have. Love, courage & wisdom cannot be
certified by academic degrees. A psychiatrist is not necessarily any better a
therapist than a psychologist, a social worker or a minister— or even as
good.
Indeed two of the very greatest therapists I know have never even
graduated from college."
As Class 12 Certificate
Holder, his views were music to my ears!! It motivated me to commit myself fully
to be an 'Accomplished Facilitator 70/30'. Plus side of being a layperson—More open to learning…...
Latest source was a Class 4 student, age 8½!!! In presence
of his mark-centric Mom, he confessed—'I cheat sometimes to please my Mom'.
Consequences of ill-equipped parenting
Visiting
Faculty—Volunteers
Friends of Ken, specialists
in their own right, conducted training for free. I cherish those wonderful sessions, as I still find
that knowledge useful. Brief summary:
1.
Suzie,
Switzerland. Real
Life Dynamics and effective techniques of counseling reinforced with case
studies. Painting Game to teach empowerment and Five Love Languages
2.
Verena
Switzerland Method
of working out Vision and dynamics of Team Work
4.
Peter-Dot,
Australia Stream
of Healthy Sexuality
5.
John
USA, HIV/AIDS Survivor.
Erstwhile member gay group. A great motivator. His lively session on 'How to Live
Life with HIV/AIDS' was awesome. Example of proactive response
6.
Nizat
(NGO), Dehradun. Powerful
presentation on rehabilitation of drug addicts. Narrative of those under
de-addiction procedure was gripping and enlightening.
