SOLITUDE: SOLILOQUY IN SILENCE PART II

            

           Principle-centered role models modeling life style of solitude are scarce.  In pursuance of warped understanding of success (Money-Power-Status) children are conditioned to be competitive disregarding means’.  One student of class 10 narrated that to get marks his mother was OK with cheating. His Dad was non-committal on Mom’s advice! Pertinently, the teenager was too honest to adopt unfair means.

 Marks-centric education system promotes unhealthy competition as against cooperation that imbues compassion and empathy! Growing culture of Competition is detrimental to healthy relationship. I recall a session on ‘friendship’ with class 8 students in a reputed school.  All of them had clear understanding of qualities of a good friend but none had them.  Stated reason confessed was Competition!  Outcome loneliness! 

The situation is no different perhaps worse in institutions of academic excellence including IITs & IIMs. Coping mechanism to deal with loneliness and pressure of cut-throat competition is substance abuse including drugs and even suicide.  This inconvenient truth was shared by students and few faculty members of IIT/IIM years back. Seriousness of the issue has been amply stressed as per the article ‘In Modernising India, Suicide Is On the Rise Among Young’ published on 11 Nov 2014

Absence of parents being busy earning money coupled with lack of parenting skills fail to create a satisfactory support system at home for children.    They grow up steered by hormonal pressures and surrounded by unethical life style of peers, adults and media promoting ‘Just Do It’ culture.  Consequence —Rattled by loneliness, one 13 year old girl rendered herself vulnerable to seek solace by spending hours on phone talking to a 28 year old man for days.  She was infatuated by his caring voice.  Mercifully she was not harmed.  
  

To briefly recall the episode she narrated her teenage experience of loneliness thus—

‘after returning from school to an empty house lonesomeness gnawed me; how long could I watch TV or study?’  At her aunt’s place she was enamored by the voice of a stranger.  Overwhelmed with feelings she found in him an emotional anchor.  Her long telephonic interaction continued until reasons for abnormal increase in telephone bill was investigated.   It was only then she discovered his age and realized her folly and the risks! Would it be fair to blame this teenager for her choice to cope with loneliness?  

           To put in perspective, loneliness is the most crucial and unavoidable fact of life.   Obvious question: What is the solution? One word answer: ‘SOLITUDE’—the art of “being alone without being lonely”!!  It imbues equanimity—pre-requisite for peace of mind. 

 
          Loneliness and solitude follow us like shadows.  One is akin to hopeless life in a blinding alley of unnerving darkness. The other is empowering.   To most pursuit of happiness is an outward journey seeking pleasures steered by the insatiable five senses—contours of a blind alley!!  

         Real life consequences of ‘outward journey’ crystallized listening to insightful perspective of my young friend Harshit   after his return from ASEAN Conference at Myanmar.  In his words— 


“After the conference I spent few days sightseeing to get acquainted with the countryside.  One striking feature was presence of travelers from different countries and that too in large numbers. It made me curious to know more. Informal interactions revealed almost all were in search of peace and solace. The perceived prosperity back home did not assuage their dissatisfaction. Incompatible relationship was shared to be a major issue in that one 59 year old lady from US said that husband treated her like a prostitute”.

Pilgrimage.  One connected question is whether those going on pilgrimage are also seeking solace?

Belief System

With no intention to trivialize this traditional and popular route as an option, personally I need to be convinced. Doubt stems from observing the behavior of most people following different beliefs with utmost commitment of conforming to prescribed ritualism. Objective evaluation of following may be helpful in drawing inferences: 

1)        460 BC; Socrates said --‘find ways to have confidence in our own beliefs and not be swayed by public opinion. We should not be like sheep and follow our fellow creatures passively’; declared a heretic he had to drink hemlock to die. Despite his caution, we continue to commit intellectual suicide!

2)        Globally, what percentage of adults portrays ethical life style? Historically the number has always been negligible.  

3)        Reason for the infamous protest ‘Occupy Wall Street’ in September 2011 was blatant exploitation of 99% by 1%. Nothing has changed

4)        Buddha  symbolized non-violence & renunciation; followers  are out of sync

5)        No social and economic justice. Swami Vivekananda had cautioned India and the world. 

6)        Vatican Faces UN Showdown On Sex Abuse Record.  Disconcerting narrative on serious sexual misconduct of priests after vowing celibacy!

7)        Head priest of Kedarnath unceremoniously removed for sexual harassment. 
 

8)        Criminal activities by terrorists/fundamentalists

 Solution is Thru 'Internal Engineering'

Inward journey to connect with sub-conscience would be enriching and enabling to savor the pleasures and power of SOLITUDE.  Not an easy option yet the choice is that of an individual alone.  How to reverse the direction of pursuit depends on the way one ‘THINKS’ because to quote a truism ‘we are product of our own choices’!   Perhaps clarity would emerge once we discover “Why Am I Doing What I Am Doing’. Pointers that may help: 

1)            Thinking with Integrity.  M. Scott Peck; The Road Less Traveled & Beyond. 

2)            Should I react or respond to situations? One reacts out of sad feelings—losers’ choice.  Winners respond after thinking thru the consequences from a paradigm of happy feelings. 

3)          “It is very simple to be happy  but very difficult to be simple”. Rabindra Nath Tagore. 

4)          Helen Keller, when asked what would be worse than being born blind replied “To have sight and no vision”. 

5)          Khalil Gibran on companionship:

“…stand together yet not too near together:

For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and cypress grow not in each other’s shadow

6)          ‘Distance in togetherness’ nurtures healthy companionship!